Attn: Brain Shutdown in 3...2...1

The Times of India, Kolkata
Monday, September 8, 2008
Pg 15 : TIMES TRENDS

Thinking Too Much Can Make You Fat
“Intellectual work causes fluctuations in glucose levels, making the body crave food to restore brain’s fuel : glucose. Brain cells need twice as much energy as other cells in the body.”

Really? I mean, REALLY?

As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already (quite literally, I assure you!), they now want me to worry about how much I think?!? No wait, that would be tantamount to thinking right? After all, worrying is a kind of pensive thinking.

So now, when I sit down to write my blog or perfect a poem or just plain old try and choose between Maggie, Sunfeast Pasta or cucumber sandwich for the EO’s tiffin, I am in essence, putting on weight?

This is too much for my poor brain to process right now. Oh geez! I guess I shouldn’t even be trying to!

Maybe that’s what ‘They’ want. The nameless, faceless, working-in-secret-laboratories-and-dungeons-thinking-up-ways-to-destroy-the-world ‘They’ and not the-Ones-who-reside-in-the-heavens-and-Laugh-at-humanity’s-idiosyncrasies ‘They’. So, maybe They want us to believe this new piece of scientific research and have our brains process it, think about it, mull over it thus growing fat and lazy and unproductive in the bargain, and ultimately dropping off the face of the Earth as gravity gives way to brain-fat. Wow! There’s a conspiracy theory for you! Ok, maybe the gravity vs. the brain-fat bit is a bit much, but we could die of other weight-related complications and diseases. Think about it! Oops! No, no! I don’t want to fatten you up for the kill!

Whew! I’m going to have to watch what I think and consequently say now!

Maybe we didn’t record what Descartes said properly all those many years ago. Maybe the now oh-so-famous and oft-quoted, oft-rehashed and oft-reworked line, “I think, therefore I am” really isn’t that at all. Maybe it’s actually “I think, therefore I’m fat!”

Hey wait. This might actually be a good thing. I'm serious! This latest bit of scientific info certainly does explain a lot and I'm also pretty sure that we could put it to good use. After all, now that it's out there, we might as well benefit from it! 'Let (us) count the ways...'

~ This could be the new watchword for Weight-Watcher’s Anonymous, “I’m not fat, I’m smart!”

~ I can now eat chocolates guilt-free. Because that’s not what I have to stress over anymore.

~ In fact, if I pack on the pounds, I can actually blame my brain and not my insatiable love for chocolates, hot buttered popcorn and nachos with garlic-mayo dip.

~ If somebody makes a snarky remark about my weight I can get all superior and say, “That’s because I am so much smarter than you!”

~ If you ask me for my opinion on the Singur matter and I just don’t feel like giving it to you, I can truthfully say, “Sorry I don’t feel like thinking about it. I’m watching my weight.”

~ Given a choice, I guess I would so much rather watch what I think than what I eat!

~ This gives new insight regarding the vacant expressions on catwalk models.

~ A little knowledge is no longer a dangerous thing. In fact, quite the contrary! Too much education could kill you!

Yes! This piece of information could actually be a good thing after all.

I don’t know anymore really. I’m watching what I think!

What do you think? ;p