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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!
Showing posts with label other blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label other blogs. Show all posts

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Ta-daaaaaa!

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary and the MIM and I have enjoyed 11 years of wedded 'bliss' together -- hehehe! Hard to say that with a straight face, but yes yes, it's been mad, exciting and quite spectacular too along with some near misses!

As an anniversary gift to myself, I am starting a new blog...well, started a new blog would be more appropriate; yesterday I put up an introductory post. This has been an idea I'd been toying with for a long time now. Don't worry, I'm not going here, but I've since the voice of this blog is more personal and has mainly to do with memories revolving around my two boys, I've decided to start another one where the focus is all on WORDS; the written word, the spoken word, the sung word, they typed word -- yes, even the painted word and the cooked word. I plan on doing book and movie reviews, sharing links of interesting articles I've read and songs that have touched the chords of my soul; I plan on sharing recipes and hopefully doing author reviews and getting in guest posts too!

Of course these are all my good intentions and we all know what they say about these type of intentions and since I have no desire to be walking down the pathway to hell, let's take it one step at a time, shall we?

I decided to start off with something fun -- like organise a book give-away! Interested? Then what are you waiting for, head on over to the Chocoholic Bookworm!

With much excitement, pomp and gusto, I present to thee, my new blog and baby -- http://chocoholicbookworm.wordpress.com/

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Book Review: Devdutt Pattanaik's "7 Secrets of Vishnu"

When you are asked to review a book by one of your favourite authors, and that too, on a subject that you have been passionate about ever since you have been a little kid, then the task at hand can only be a pleasant one. Well, that is exactly what reviewing Devdutt Pattanaik’s “7 Secrets of Vishnu” was for me. I have been an avid mythology buff ever since I can remember and the passion has only intensified with time.

I have been reading Devdutt Pattanaik’s work for quite a while now. Not just me, in fact, but my eight-year-old son as well, who is a fan of Pattanaik’s “Adventures in Devlok” series.

The Hindu trinity, as we all know, comprises of Brahma the Creator, Vishnu the Preserver and Shiva the Destroyer. The symbols and rituals connected to Each One are markedly different. And why not? It stands to reason as They represent different levels of consciousness. They do not look like Each Other, nor do They behave similarly and They perform different duties. Pattanaik’s “7 Secrets of Vishnu” attempts to help the reader decipher the symbology and unlock the secrets behind the stories and rituals associated with Lord Vishnu.

Through the stories of Vishnu, complex Hindu ideologies and philosophies have been communicated in an easy to read manner. Issues that we have always wondered about have been addressed beautifully by the author. Like, for example, why are the Devas and Asuras, both the offspring of Brahma, always at war? The saga of the never-ending battles between the Devas and the Asuras bring to light the emotional turmoil faced by both; the Devas also represent insecurity while the Asuras embody ambition and thus the constant state of unrest.

The book takes us through the various avatars assumed by Him on Earth. Divided into seven chapters, each one helps us in understanding key concepts and in delving into the mysteries of the Divine. I learnt so many new things from each of these chapters, which is always very exciting. For example, I learnt about Alakshmi, the Sister of Lakshmi who accompanies her Sister wherever She goes and She represents strife. The entire passage about how Lakshmi arose from amrit and Alakshmi from halahala – brilliant! Also the gem about how Shukracharya, guru to the Asuras, lost an eye when Vishnu descended to Earth as Vamana, the Brahmin dwarf, was a new story for me to imbibe and marvel over. The absolute crowning jewel for me was how Pattanaik beautifully explained that Luv-Kush’s victory over their father showed that dharma rests with Sita and not Ayodhya! Brilliant! As one who has always been furious over the treatment meted out to Sita in the epic, this one statement was a fist-pumping hurrah! moment. Yes, it has been explained time and again that Ram put his kingly duties above his personal needs, but that only serves to make him the Perfect King, not the Perfect Man.

The photographs of ancient artwork and temple sculptures help bring the book alive, especially with their little bubbles of explanation. Colour photography would have been greatly appreciated, of course, but that’s nitpicking. An index would also have been of great use, and I strongly suggest the publishers think of adding one in the next edition.

All in all, a great read and one I would urge all mythology buffs to immediately indulge in!

This review is a part of the http://blog.blogadda.com/2011/05/04/indian-bloggers-book-reviews Book Reviews Program at http://www.blogadda.com, BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

Monday, August 22, 2011

BlogAdda's Book Review Program: Musings of a Wanderer

I signed up for the BlogAdda book reviews program when I saw that this book was up for grabs -- "Musings of a Wanderer" by Shreya Chatterjee.

No, we're not related even though we do share a surname. And no, I didn't choose this book because we share that surname.

I chose it because it's a book of poetry. And I love poetry.

But truth be told, I did not love Shreya's poetry. Not all of it.

Shreya's poetry is mostly an outpouring of her feelings. Now I am all for offerings of these outpourings, because I believe that it is quite central to good poetry. However, having said that, much of Shreya’s work seems to be like a first draft; the feelings that must have gushed within and found an expression in words must have been hurriedly caught and put down on paper before disappearing altogether, for we know how ephemeral a thought can be. But once the thought has been captured, it must be prodded, teased, fretted over and had hair-torn-out-in-clumps until perfection is attained. I know how easy it is to get too close to one's own work and that chopping a word here or slicing a verse there feels like we are butchering a small part of ourselves, but this kind of attachment does not make for good writing. It makes us too sensitive and it makes us stupidly stubborn.

Yes, I identified with many of her thoughts and feelings, after all, poetry is universal and that's what binds us. Some of her insights into the world around us as well as into her own soul are poignant and thought-provoking. You understand what she is trying to say and where she is coming from and you can’t help but smile a little wistfully. What I loved most about this collection is the little foot-notes that she added to some of her poems, giving us a peek into the inspiration behind the poem. Poetry is, after all, very personal, so it's a privilege to be given an insight into what thought, word, picture or moment gave birth to the idea of a poem.

That Shreya has a giant love for poetry is obvious. Unfortunately, that is not enough. She needs to nurture it like a mother nurtures her child and she can't give into it's stubborn, wilful tantrums. She must deal with her poems with a firm but loving hand and do what's best for them. So if words and whole verses need to be dropped, scratched and rewritten, then so it must be, for only then will the end results make us cry with pride.

Shreya has a long way to go, but she has started upon the journey bravely and boldly. Some of the poems written by this Wanderer do show remarkable promise, there’s no denying that. Had she worked on her craft a bit more and had her work fallen into the hands of an editor who understands the craft of poetry, and, more importantly, cares about poetry, this collection would have been far more impressive.

This review is a part of the "http://blog.blogadda.com/2011/05/04/indian-bloggers-book-reviews". Book Reviews Program at "http://www.blogadda.com" Participate now to get free books!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Erotica and the Poet

(cross-posted here, at The Book Lovers blog).

Chitrangada and Chandalika – Sexual Awakenings of Two of Tagore’s Most Popular Heroines

For Language Day celebrations in our school in Bangalore, my Bengali-speaking friends and I, decided to present highlights from Tagore’s celebrated dance drama, “Chitrangada.” One of the girls in the group, who studied Bangla as a Second Language and was therefore, much more at ease with the literary lilt of the language, clicked her tongue while interpreting one of the songs and remarked what a sexually-aware man Tagore was. At home, while poring over the text, I asked my mother to explain a few lines from another section of the dramatic movement, and I remember clearly how my normally vocal and never-at-a-loss-for-words matriarch blushed and haltingly explained the song in as innocent and simple a manner as possible, stripping the piece of most of its raw, sexual content. The essence of the meaning was not lost, however.

It’s been close to twenty years since that fledgling, albeit exhilarating performance in school, and since then, not only have my language skills greatly improved, not only has my love for Tagore’s oeuvre grown in leaps and bounds, but my two little sons have also taken baby steps into the bright and beautiful world of Tagorean performance.

Being a Bengali, there is just no escaping the mammoth influence of this man. An entire industry thrives thanks to the Bard of Bengal. Had there been no Tagore, the Bengali would have been a much poorer version of his present self...culturally, musically, artistically, academically and yes, in the literal sense of the word, financially.

More than a hundred years later, we are still obsessed with the man, his work and his life. This year being the sesquicentennial year of India’s first Nobel Laureate, there is a frenzy of Tagore-related activities the world over. We create and recreate his works; we discuss, dissect, analyse and philosophise. We study his words in a contemporary context and research his vast oeuvre to find new meanings, to see things with a new eye, to listen through another’s ears and to feel from our own experiences, all the while wondering if there’s any aspect that remains untouched or glossed over.

Well, one such aspect is the erotic aspect of the literary giant’s work. A theme not openly discussed, and I wonder why, since it is agreed that Tagore understood the psyche of women so well; that so many of his heroines are strong and ready to claim their sexuality; that so many of his novels were considered ‘bold’ and ‘daring’.

It’s quite a travesty to the man and his work, to keep this facet of his literary compositions under wraps, considering so many of his love songs and dance dramas were ripe with the themes of desire, longing and the union of not only two souls, but two bodies. What makes Tagore so great is that he did it classily, poetically, taking help from Mother Nature’s bounty and splendour, thus not having to resort to innuendos and titillation. It was always done artistically, using music and metaphor, to create those sensations of urgent longing, naked desire and bodily fulfillment.

This discussion is an attempt to highlight some of the erotic elements of two of Tagore’s sexually-charged masterpieces where we are introduced to two of his most well-known heroines from his celebrated nrityo nattyos, or dance dramas, Chitrangada and Chandalika.

Chitrangada

Tagore’s work is a take-off on an incident from the “Mahabharata”, where the third Pandav brother, the illustrious warrior prince, Arjuna, meets the warrior princess Chitrangada, during his wanderings while on a 13 year self-imposed exile, while practicing, again self-imposed, celibacy.

We are introduced to Kurupa Chitrangada, or Chitrangada the Unattractive, in the first scene of the musical, where she and her friends have gone hunting in the forest. It is here that she literally stumbles upon a saffron-robed Arjuna, her idol, her hero, who mistakes her and her group of companions to be a band of young boys. Kurupa calls out after him, challenging him to a fight so that she may die a brave and noble death at the hands of the legend she has worshiped for so long.

Losing all interest in the hunt, her friend, perplexed, asks her how it is possible for her to lose her sense of identity in the space of just one glance. And thus, Kurupa, for the first time in her life, feels the stirrings of a strange new emotion – passion. Passion for a man, passion for a warrior, passion for her idol. Passion for the soul-mate for whom she has waited since eternity. She acknowledges these hitherto unknown and unfelt emotions in the beautiful song, “Bodhu Kon Aalo Laaglo Chokhe.”

Instinctively knowing that she will never get Arjuna to give her a second glance dressed as a warrior, she entreats her friends to make her presentable. She then goes in search of Arjuna and offers herself to him, but he spurns her saying he is on a vow of celibacy.

Humiliated at this rejection she laments all those years spent in perfecting her archery and building her strength. She sends out a heartfelt plea to Lord Madan, aka Kamadev, the God of love and sex, begging to be morphed into a stunning beauty with seductive charms. That she wants to captivate Arjun with Apsara-like physical charms is no secret as she prays,

“Shudhu ek borosher jonne
Pushpolabonne
Mor deho paak tobo shorgero mullyo
Morte atulyo.”

Hearing her prayers, Madan agrees to change her from her warrior-princess self, to a woman of breath-taking beauty. One who inspires instant lust in a man; one, who even Arjun of the self-imposed celibacy vow, will be helplessly attracted to. Our new heroine, Surupa Chitrangada, or Chitrangada the Beautiful, upon catching a glimpse of herself, is taken aback by her newly acquired beauty. In a moving soliloquy, she realises the transitory nature of her newly-acquired loveliness. She laments that while as Kurupa, she had a history, a background, a lineage, as Surupa, she is nothing more than an exotic flower, whose fragrance once exhausted, will be languishing in the dust. However, she also acknowledges the stirrings of a desire so deep and it finds expression in Tagore’s magnificently worded, “Aamaar Onge Onge Ke.”

Arjuna sees the stunningly beautiful Surupa and forgetting all vows of celibacy, promptly proposes “dushahoshi prem”, in other words, a passionate love affair. Before accepting, Surupa tells him that the affair will be ephemeral, like a dew-drop.

The affair is indeed passionate, explosive even, yet, as Surupa always knew, it is transient. After all, lust does fade. For by this time, Arjuna has heard tales of the brave warrior-princess – “Sneho boley tini maataa, bahu boley tini raajaa” (Her compassion makes her a mother; her strength, a king). She decides to test him and tells Arjuna of Chitragaga’s manly appearance and lack of feminine charms, but that does not douse his resolve to meet this fascinating hero. The shallow nature of their relationship is revealed.

Finally realising the opportunity she has to meet her idol as an equal, Chitrangada once again entreats Madan to change her form...this time from the beautiful, nymph-like Surupa to the plain, almost manly Kurupa. When she meets him in her true form, she breaks into the incredibly moving and thought-provoking aria, “Aami Chitrangada.” In this paean, she tells Arjuna that she is neither goddess, nor ordinary woman. She asks only that he treat her as an equal, to keep her by his side even when danger lurks near-by. She asks only that he treat her as Chitrangada, daughter of a king. This particular song, has long been regarded as an ode to feminism; here, in this one incredible song, Chitrangada rejects the notion that she is the weaker sex and thus an object of pity, rather, she is on the same footing as him, an equal partner at every level.

“Aami Chitrangada, aami rajendronandini,
Nohi debi, nohi shamanyo naari.
Pujo kori morey raakhibey urdhhey shey nohi, nohi,
Helaa kori morey raakhibey peechhey shey nohi nohi...
Aaj shudhu kori nibedon –
Aami Chitrangada, raajendronandini.”

The triumph of intellect over body is indeed a joyful celebration.

This sums up, the bare bones of Tagore’s masterpiece. However, it is interesting to note that in the original Bengali, the Surupa-Arjuna passion play, while tremendously evident, is couched in metaphorical poetics, yet his own English trans-creation, which reads beautifully, seems more sexually charged and explicit. However, Kobiguru never resorts to improper language and yet he leaves nothing to the imagination. Take, for example, the following passage where Surupa recounts to Madana, her passionate tryst with Arjuna:

“The southern breeze caressed me to sleep. From the flowering Malati bower overhead silent kisses dropped over my body. On my hair, my breast, my feet, each flower chose a bed to die on. I slept. And, suddenly in the depth of my sleep, I felt as if some intense eager look, like tapering fingers of flame, touched my slumbering body. I started up and saw the Hermit standing before me... It seemed to me that I had, on opening my eyes, died to all realities of life and undergone a dream birth into a shadow land. Shame slipped to my feet like loosened clothes. I heard his call-"Beloved, my most beloved!" And all my forgotten lives united as one and responded to it. I said, "Take me, take all I am!" And I stretched out my arms to him. The moon set behind the trees. One curtain of darkness covered all. Heaven and earth, time and space, pleasure and pain, death and life merged together in an unbearable ecstasy...”

As in-your-face as sexual desire can probably get without resorting to coarse language and four-letter words. Perhaps, because the original is set to music, Tagore did not need to resort to more explicit language and imagery. After all, the Bengali nrityo nattyo is an auditory and visual delight, with much of its beauty coming from the music compositions and dance performances. With the English work, “Chitra”, one is left with the sensation that it is better left read than performed.

Chandalika

Gurudev’s “Chandalika” is about a low-caste girl, a ‘chandalin’ named Prokriti, and her desire for a Buddhist monk named Anondo.

Spurned, shunned and humiliated by the entire village because of her low birth, Prokriti is found by her mother sitting near a well, cursing her birth and her life. Her mother, Maya, tells her to snap out of it and to get back to work, but Prokriti, still hurting from the taunts and jibes, is still too depressed and angry. Her mother leaves her there to wallow in her self-pity. It is at this moment that Anondo, a Buddhist monk approaches Prokriti and asks for water to quench his thirst. She recoils in shame and horror and brokenly informs him that she is a chandalini and therefore not ‘fit’ to give him water, more so as the water from her well is tainted. Anondo kindly informs her that they are all the same, human beings.

For a girl who has never been treated well or spoken kindly to in her entire life, it is easy to see why she would mistake kindness for attraction, why she would see her own feelings of gratitude as love.

What could have been an innocent infatuation turns into a morbid obsession where Prokriti exclaims that Anondo chose her well over all others because of her. She starts to fantasise that maybe there was an attraction that drew him to her. That the obsession is one of a sheer, physical need can be felt in Prokriti’s intense, longing-filled ballad, “Chokkhe Aamaar Trishna, Ogo Trishna Aamaar Bokhho Jure.” In the song, she likens herself to a “brishtibihin boiskakhi din” – a rainless day in a monsoon month. How beautifully Tagore once again explains a young girl’s budding sexual desire and yearning, while once again taking recourse to imagery from nature.

Another interesting, startling even, observation to be made, is Maya’s willingness to help her daughter reach sexual fulfillment. In a country where the mere mention of the words ‘sex’, ‘lust’ and ‘boyfriend’ are taboo in the living room; where daughters still look at their toes when they confess that they’re in love and want to get married (and thus have ‘legal’ sex), it is definitely a bold overture for a young girl to cry out to her mother that she wants someone, that she really, REALLY wants someone in every which way, and with an intensity and desire so strong, she is willing to drag him, herself and her mother down to whatever level it takes.

Prokriti’s longing soon turns to desperation and like a man-mad virago, she exhorts her mother who is well-versed in sorcery and witchcraft, to bring Anondo to her, wherever he may be. She wants to leave her imprint on him so deeply, so that she will be the face that he sees, the one that he thinks about, wherever he goes and she is willing to resort to depravity if need be as she pushes her mother to use her most powerful, her most cruel incantations.

“Por tui shob cheye nishtur montro –
Paake paake daag diye joraaje dhoruk or monke.
Jekhaanei jaak, kokhono eraate aamaake
Paarbe na, paarbe naa.”

Of course, we are initially shown how a spiritually pure soul can easily rise above the base temptations of the flesh. But, as the incantations become more powerful, Anondo is dragged through fire to meet Prokriti’s mating call. Maya, by now exhausted and spent begins to feel sorry for the monk as she senses his spiritual suffering and turmoil and entreats Prokriti to stop. Prokriti, however, is now drunk with power and on a sexual-high, so she refuses and only pressurises Maya to keep going and to use every spell in the book. Her wild urging is almost climactic in its intensity.

“Oi dekh, oi elo jhor, elo jhor,
Taar agomonir oi jhor –
Prithibi kaanpchhey thorothoro thorothoro,
Guruguru kory mor bokho.”

It is only when Prokriti sees the effects of the spell on Anondo that she finally understands the sheer torture that he is facing and the gravity of her sin; gone is the peaceful countenance that radiated purity that she fell in love with. Instead, his face is a mask of grave pain and self-loathing and so she begs her mother to break the spell, but by then it is too late. Anondo, as if dragged in by chains, stands face to face with her and Prokriti falls at his feet, begging for mercy.

And Anondo, in the true spirit of a monk who has risen above all worldly emotions and passions, readily does so.

I had an enlightening chat with well-known Odissi danseuse and social worker, Alokananda Roy, about the fascinating aspects of these two female protagonists and she asked me to think about their social backgrounds and upbringing. Chitrangada is a royal and thus her desire, no matter how deep, is restrained, refined and couched in flowery language and poetic innuendo. Prokriti hails from the lower echelons of society; her background is that of a tribal girl with no education or sense of refinement and that is why her passion is raw, primal and very in-your-face. While Kobiguru doesn’t use base, improper, ‘unflowery’ language to express Prokriti’s desire, he composes her songs and sets them to a fantastic tempo, almost wild in its growing intensity, just like her increasing passion.

Tagore’s heroines, like their creator, are passionate people. Their desire so real, you can touch it, feel it, almost breathe it. And yet, the beauty of the master’s word play leaves you as in awe with their musical and prosaic enchantments, as do the strength and power of the protagonists’ emotions and ‘realness’.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Beauty in Her Soul


Losing my father last year, was the most devastating event in my life. And I have had more than my fair share of run-ins with Unpleasant Experiences, Nasty People and Heart-Attack Inducing Moments in my 30 odd years of existence upon this earth.

The pain and trauma of those 20 days in January 2010 have left an indelible mark upon my psyche and soul, and I know it will never go. Yes, the wound will heal eventually, but the scar will never fade.

Being the Daddy's Girl that I was, am and forever shall be, I confidently believed that nobody was more affected by his passing than I. No. Not even my mother. After all, I was a witness to their marriage and it wasn't particularly pretty.

But then I saw her break. Her life-partner, her companion for the golden years ahead, the man she had two children with, whom she struggles with, made sacrifices with, sang with, lived with, loved, disliked, bickered and fought with, was gone. Is gone. Forever.

Now my mumma is a strong woman. She is our rock. We draw strength from her and count on her to be steady and solid and to never falter on our behalf. Gregarious and generous to a fault, fearless and fun-loving, she is my strength. My daddy was always my weakness.

I couldn't bear to see her crumble and cry. It broke me. Her biggest wail was, "How can I live alone now?"

Yes. Her biggest fear had come true.

Because you see, this strong woman who battled everyone's fears and forged ahead on their behalves, actually did have one fear. I lied. She wasn't totally fearless. She did have one fear. One she was always worried about confronting and succumbing to -- the fear of being alone.

After all, this was the woman who had moved continents just so that she could be near her brothers and sisters. This was the woman who willingly and happily turned her as-it-is-always-open-house into a big rehearsal space in the months preceding Durga Puja. This is the woman who has myriad friend groups to fulfill her different loves and interests: an adda group, a theatre group, a movie-watching group, a spiritual group, a charity group, a travel group...it goes on. This is the woman you call and call but who never answers her land-line, because she's never at home. This is the woman who's always game to go out. This is the woman who never says 'No.' This is the woman who just can't be by herself.

So when daddy died, who was she going to come home to? Who was going to open the door for her? Would she now, finally have to start carrying around a key?

My husband, sons and I went for a holiday to Himachal a couple of weeks ago. We took my mother along. It was there, near the steps of a temple, that I saw my mother looking at the expanse of mountains before us. The look on her face was serene, peaceful, beautiful. Without looking at me she said, "I think I can do. I can carry on. I can live."

This woman, who was once a calendar girl in her Shanti-Niketan-Bosonto-Utsob regalia; who her nephews and nieces still remember as being the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen when she stepped in as a new bride in my grandparent's home; whom I used to look at with awe whenever she dressed up in a Benarasi silk sari, was glowing.

Those images of the young woman in the calender, the beautiful bride in those black-and-white-photographs, the Benarasi-clad woman just slipped away from the pages of my memory. Before me stood a woman wearing the wrinkles of her life upon her face. The battles she'd fought and won were specks of survival in her eyes.

I saw her wearing her soul that day -- it was an armour of strength; it was a mantle of inner peace; it was a glimpse of real, true, inner beauty.

Lucky, lucky me.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bombai Se Aaye Hum're Doston...

Last weekend, two bloggers whom I admire and have long wanted to meet, came for a quickie visit to our fair/foul city -- Lady K and Ro. With offspring.

To say that I was excited would be an understatement! I only had the privilege of spending a few hours with them as they were on a rather tight schedule. I invited them and a few of our city bloggers with assorted spouse and spawn, namely the Sue, Dipali and Eve's Lungs over to my for dinner. I agonised over what to make and serve. Of course I had decided that everything would be authentic Bengali, but what, what, what? Then there was also the matter of giving my lovely guests a bit of Calcutta to take back home with them, but what, what, what??

The menu was finally sorted out, I decided to go with traditional fare made for special occasions:
  1. Steamed rice
  2. Salad with pomegranate
  3. Moong daal with peas and coconut shavings
  4. Dhokaar daalna (sort of like a badhi curry) --Veg, courtesy MaaJanoni
  5. Potoler dolmaa (stuffed parwal) -- Veg, courtesy the MIL
  6. Aalur dom -- Veg
  7. Bhetki paturi (fish fillets in thick mustard sauce, wrapped in banana leaves & steamed) -- Non-veg, moi
  8. Golda chingri malai curry (tiger prawns in coconut gravy) -- Non-veg, moi
  9. Koshaa mangsho (bhuna gosht) -- Non-veg, moi
  10. Mishti-doi cheesecake for dessert, moi
As for the gifts, I decided to play it safe and consulted good ol' Sunny about what Krish and Ayaan were into, since I wanted to give them things that they enjoyed. Lady K and I discussed it over SMSes too. She also sweetly asked me what I would like from Bombay. In all seriousness I asked her to bring Orange Ice Candy, babies et al. Alas, twas not to be; too big for suitcase said she. So I guess I shall have to make that trip to Bombay after all, as tuning into the Radio just ain't enough!

Unfortunately, since tis the season to be getting married, Evie couldn't attend, but I got to meet the wonderful Radha instead. The Sue came with the V and Bhablet, the SRE accompanied our lovely Dipali, K brought Jr K and Ro was with Ayaan and Tarana.

While the others have written much more interesting and well-worded posts about said weekend, I'm going to tell you what I learnt that Saturday evening.

  • To never take Lady K's 'fat posts' seriously again. I swear!! This woman is the epitome of sizzling, hot momma!! She's all curves and elegance and Dimple Kapadia hair! In short, she's gorgeous!!
  • That Ro has a height, nose, smile and daughter to kill for. Again...I swear! What a lovely, lovely lady!
  • That Super Brat Krish is actually a myth and in reality he is Boy-Gentleman Krish.
  • That Ayaan is one of the sweetest, most intelligent little boys I've had the pleasure and wonder of meeting in a long time.
  • That the Bhablet's eyes will be my undoing one of these days!
  • That the blogging gig?...it so rocks!! What a wonderful community!
I wish they could have been here longer, longer, longer...

*signs off and throws tantrum*

Monday, October 11, 2010

By The Water Cooler

Presenting...(drum-roll please...)

Parul Sharma's new book, "By The Water Cooler"!!

Ok, you all know the delightful blogger of the delightful blog formerly known as "Bringing Up Adi", but which has now been rechristened as the delightful "Radio Parul". I love her and her blog because she's witty, pretty, funny, loves star-gazing and writing about it, has an Adi, a Ragini, writes the most beautiful letters on the planet and because she's utterly delightful!

We all read and loved her first book, "Bringing up Vasu -- That First Year" and have been waiting ever since for book two. Well thankfully, the wait is about to end because it's coming, it's coming, her second offering will arrive shortly in just a few days! (*Tries to launch herself in a click-heels dance*)

Set out the wandering minstrels and harken unto all who shall hear, that the lovely Ms. Sharma has also organised a contest! And we all love those, don't we? I certainly do and because I do, I am putting in my entry right here, right now!

Contest Entry:
I started my career in the FMCG sector. I was the Branch Sales and Training Executive for the international cosmetics brand 'AVON -- The Company for Women', in Bangalore.
During my 18 month stint in the company, I saw two other branches being set up in South India, one in Madras and the other in Hyderabad. I got very pally with the two girls in my position in those cities.
One morning, we get a call from the Hyderabadi BSTE. She's in tears. She was working late at the office, when the phone rang. She picked up the phone and cheerily answered, "Hello, this is AVON, how may I help you?"
The male voice at the other end said, "Aaah yes. This is AVON right? The Company for Women?"
"That's right," our effervescent BSTE replied. "What can I do for you, sir?"
The voice continued, "I just wanted to know how much you charge for your women..."
Our dear BSTE banged the phone down, locked up the office in a jiffy and high-tailed it home! By the time she finished narrating her tale, we were sharing in her tears too...tears of laughter!


So end's my little true story. Got funnier stuff to regale the blog-world with. Well then, you know where to go. Click here for contest details. Put it up on your blogs...PLEASE. And tell everyone you know about it. And most of all, get ready to buy the book!!!

It promises to be more than just delightful. It promises to be hilarious!! And we can all do with more laughter in our lives, right? Right!!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Calling All Bloggers!

A very close friend of mine needs people to write. And she's not talking about professional writers...she's talking about folks like you and me. But if you are a professional writer or an author-type-person...well, that's fine because she needs you too!


She'd compiling two books for Westland Publishers - "Chicken Soup for the Indian Friend's Soul" and "Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul: Celebrating Brothers and Sisters."


She asked me to put this up on my blog and to spread the word. Please write...we're all bloggers and it's what we do, right? And we mostly blog about our lives, right? So it should be a piece of cake!

And pass the word along to your bloggy friends, un-bloggy friends, family and colleagues. And tell them to spread the word too!

Her mail id is in the info in this link. She wants lots and lots of stories, so go on, indulge her!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Of Music, Old Age and Contests

The Bro is in town! Yaaayyyy! He arrived on the 25th, a little before midnight. So the boys and I are currently at the 'maike'! Bigger 'YAAAYYYYY!!!' Of course the weekend saw us back at the sasuraal because it was the FIL's b'day bash and plus an adorable and gorgeous SIL was in town, but as of today, we's back at the parents'! So allow me to say it again -- yaaaayyyyyyyy!

It was beyond touching to see the way the EO behaved when he saw his Mamu. He woke up to find himself sleeping next to my mom (which he normally looks forward to, but not this Thursday!!) Disappointed at not being next to his Mamu, he shook MaaJanoni awake, reprimanded her for not depositing him next to said beloved Mamu and then proceeded to run to that same beloved Mamu's room and wake him up with little brother in tow. The Bro very sleepily hugged his nephews and then I shushed them out of the room to start off with the business of the daily grind. Two minutes later, my sleepy Bro walks into the room and a very, very, VERY thrilled little EO shrieks with delight and launches himself at his Mamu. The Bro picks him up and my EO hugs him with all his might, refusing to let go, for a full five minutes, until I had to finally pry him off! The EO then proceeded to do a happy dance :-)

The YO didn't behave as enthusiastically, observing the Bro for some time before he decided that he was alright. Hes, the pack of Hot Wheel cars definitely helped!! But I can't really blame my little one, after all 'Mamu' was just a concept to him, someone his big brother, mother and grand-parents spoke about with great love and affection; someone whom he had no memories of at all, being just a year-and-a-half when he was last here. But here's someone who has the good sense to bring him cars and chocolates...what's not to love?

As for me? It's great having him back! We've already had our chats, heart-to-hearts and many conversations. One of the more memorable ones ran thus...
After coming back from a day trip to Shantiniketan with the MIM, MaaJanoni and MY iPod, the Bro, who has always loved my taste in music, says to me, "Dids, good collection...some great music there...but why does everything have to be so slow?"
Me: Slow?!? Have you seen all my playlists?!?
the Bro: Oh yeah, I have...hence the 'slow'. And old.
Me: (sputtering) But it's got the Scorpions, Bon Jovi, some Deep Purple and Guns 'n' Roses on it!!!
the Bro: Yeah...slow. And old!!

That's it. I've done it. I've actually lived long enough for 'The Scorpions' and 'Deep Purple' to be declared slow and old!! And no...I'm not even remotely interested in what's on the Bro's music list!
********************************************************************
I'm a contest junkie. The SMS and online kind. Remember that site that I had asked all of you to visit a while back? Mummyknowsbest.com? Well, the good folks there are back with another great contest...this one's for the bookworms!! Trust me, you'll love it!! Please do go and check it out folks! Go, participate, win!! Click here for deets!
And if you find the time, let the gals there know what you like, don't like and would like to see on their site! :-)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Spread the Love, Please

I love the blogworld. I love reading blogs, discovering new ones and adding my own two bits too. I love it so much that I kick myself for not finding myself a place on it earlier. Anyway, better late than never.

Now, there are a few blogs out there that put the 'zip' in my 'zippety-do-dah'. Parul's blog is one of them and it has been nominated in the Best Personal Indiblog category. Do go over and vote for her. PLEASE!! If anyone deserves it, she does!

While voting for her, I noticed two other nominations that deserve all the support that they can get; Indian Homemaker in the Best Humanities Indiblog category and IndieQuill for the Best Entertainment Indiblog category.

Lots of other popular blogs are up for nominations in various categories. Go on and show them all your love. Here. Please. Thanks!

Monday, October 26, 2009

M4 is lost...

...in the pages of "The Lost Symbol", the latest by Dan Brown.
Regular programming will continue once she has devoured and digested the contents.

However, before I sign off, I would like to tell you all, about this site a good friend of mine has been working on. I think it's brilliant and something we mommies can all use as a reference guide. As a favour to me, please do check it out and if you like what you see, do spread the word. There's a contest going on now too! FUN!!

Here's the link...and remember, suggestions are most welcome! http://www.mummyknowsbest.com/

Friday, July 10, 2009

Bringing Up Vasu: That First Year

I love wit, humour, sarcasm. It should therefore come as no surprise that I totally heart Parul's blog. And even that doesn't begin to cover just how much I love it.

It's because of the way she writes. There's a gentle humour emanating from her writing, like a favourite aroma. It makes you want to read her every morning so that you can start your day with a smile. That's the kind of coffee it is.

So when I found out she was writing a book, I knew that I would love it. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to to be objective about it. It's hard to detach yourself from something you love so much and write with a kind of un-sentimentality, but I'm going to try, nevertheless.

"Bringing Up Vasu: That First Year"...yes, of course I loved it! And not just because it's Parul's writing. But because it is really, REALLY good! It is. It's exactly what you would expect of Paurl...funny. And, here's the delightful thing about it, it's all kinds of funny. There's the tee-hee-hee type; the snort-cackle-guffaw kind; the LOL variety and the simple, pleasant, gentle-smile-about-the- lips style as well.

And here lies the problem. Sometimes, only a very few 'sometimes', the funny seemed forced. The spontaneity was missing and you felt that it had been written for funny's sake. Certain dialogues between Mira and her gal pals seemed contrived. As well as some of the New-Age schemes followed by the mother.

But I don't take that away from the book at all. I personally know how hard it is trying to sustain humour from beginning to end. It's a mammoth task and Parul has done a remarkable job!

But that's really nitpicking, because on the whole the book doesn't just work, it rocks. I found myself impatient to get back to it whenever I was away from it. There's so much to love about it! I was totally into Mira's life and adored her relationship with her adorable hubby. I understood her crazies, her lows and her obsession to her first-born, absolutely through and through. I cheered her on during her exchanges with the dreaded PNx. I cheered Vasu on at the Teddy Footprints interview. And I happily read and re-read 'The Letters From the Edge'; they were hilarious, touching and awww-some at the same time.

You will recognise Parul in the book. And I don't feel that that's such a bad thing. When you're writing about a topic that is not just close to home, but IS home, shades of you, your family and your life experiences are bound to pepper the tale you tell. So the Northie and Tamilian references...fine by me. The letters to Vasu remarkably like the ones Parul wrote to Adi...yup, I'm good with that too.

I'm good with the whole thing. More than good, actually! I'm so totally, absolutely, crowing-from-the-rooftops, jolly, damn good with it that I am hoping and praying for a sequel!

Parul, get cracking already girl!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

For Parul

Sensing my growing desperation at not being able to lay my hands on "Bringing Up Vasu" by our very own and beloved Parul Sharma, a darling friend decided to surprise me with it by couriering it all the way from Bombay. Needless to say, I was gobsmacked by this touching gesture.

It finally arrived on Sunday and I can't stop smiling to myself. Every now and then, I even break into an impromptu Happy Chicken Dance!

Had this been once upon a time, long, long, a helluva long time ago, I would have finished the book in one sitting. Now that old age, failing eyesight, a Mr. Man, two boisterous brats, tiffin-making and chaperoning car-pools make up the circle of my life, that is not possible anymore. I am half-way through it...and LOVING IT!!

But this is not a review. I will save that for the whole book. It's only fair. This post is about something my EO said to me.

The MIM and I had taken the boys out on Sunday for book browsing and lunch. When we came back, there was the packet that I had been waiting for ever since I knew it was on it's way. With a war-cry, I attacked the outer covering to unearth the book that I had been waiting for ever since I knew it had hit the stands.

My EO was watching me with interest. "What is that, Mamma? A book?"
Excitedly, I gave him the book and said, "See baby, see? My friend has written this book. See?"
He took the book from my hands and looked at the cover with shining eyes. "Is it about this baby?"
"Yes. Yes it is about that baby boy. And his mamma."
He gave a giggle of approval and then ran after his brother for a game of 'Catch Me If You Can' at break-neck speed.

I thought that was that. I was mistaken.

Yesterday, while I was taking him to karate class, he said, "Mamma, I have a story for that aunty."
"Which aunty, baby?", I asked perplexed.
"The aunty which wrote that book!"
I was shocked. "Parul aunty?"
"Her name is Parul? Which wrote that blue, baby book that you are reading?"
"Yes, bubba."
"Then yes, Parul aunty. I want you to give her this story."

So Parul, this is for you. From my growing-up-WAY-too-fast, not-yet-six-year-old sunshine, my EO. (Please note, it has been grossly edited of EO-speak, for the little dude tends to ramble on and on and on. I've cut through the meanderings and given you a spiffy, spruced up version. But how I wish you could have heard the original, complete with expressive eyes glowing, voice modulation and hand movements.)

The Bad Snake
Once upon a time, a big sister and her two small brothers went to a dark forest. There, they met a kangaroo. The kangaroo was very friendly and took them for a ride through the forest. Then they met a wolf. He wasn't a bad wolf. He was friendly and he too took the three children for a ride through the forest.
The three children made ten friends in the forest...the kangaroo, the wolf, a grasshopper, a bumblebee, an ostrich, a tiger, a fire-bee, a lion, a white tiger and an owl. Everyday they would play together.
One day, from the river, a big, black, deadly-poisonous black mamba came out!! He was very mean. He told lies. He started telling lies to all the animals. He said that the big sister was not a nice person.
The other animals were very angry with him for telling such lies and they threw rocks at him. He started to cry and said that he was very sorry and that he would never lie again. The other animals told him to go back into the river and to never come out again.
After that, the big, black mamba never troubled them again and the big sister with her two small brothers played with their animal friends everyday.

P.S. Notice the detail about the lying snake? I guess I don't need to be a psychologist to figure this one out!

Friday, May 1, 2009

A Noble Cause, A Great Effort

Tharini of the delightful blog, Winkie's Ways has written this touching post on an intiative known as "Feed My Starving Children". Please read her post, you will not help but be moved.

And try and help out...somewhere, somehow. You know you can.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Five Small Things About a Big, BIG Love (a.k.a Around the World in 80 Clicks)

I have been tagged by the sunny Sue and the joyful Goofy Mamma to do this beautiful tag. Thanks guys! When I saw it doing the rounds I kept thinking to myself, impatiently like a child, "Mera number kab ayegaa?"

The tag is: 5 things that you love about being a mom. Next, find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (let them know that you've tagged them!) - and link back here and HBM and leave a comment.

Now I know some of the things that I feel and will write over here may sound like I'm parroting others' feelings about this blissful state of being, but that's just the thing about motherhood, isn't it? The sense of universality that it encompasses. In fact, if you sit back to think about it, it's one of the more major factors that have brought us together and made us bond. Hell, we even have a community all our own -- 'Mommy Bloggers.' I am so proud to be a part of this sorority. It's an honour, a priveledge and a pleasure.

You all know that I love being a mom. I harp on and on about it enough here ;)
Motherhood has totally and absolutely changed me. In good ways and yes, bad as well (but I won't dwell on that here). I feel as if I was put on this Earth to give birth to and mother these two little bundles of neverending joy and mischief that I've been so incredibly blessed with. I still do have dreams of my own, but I don't mind putting them on hold while I delight in the company of my children. My children. My sons. My boys. I am still overwhelmed whenever I say these phrases, whether out loud or to myself. So much so, that I actually stop and repeat it to myself a couple of times in my head just so that I can savour the beauty, wonder and bliss that these words fill me with...my children, my sons, my boys.

But having said that, am I a great mom? No, no, hell no! And when they grow up, I'm sure my boys will tell you the same. But I am a mom. Irrevocably so. Do I love being a mom every single second of the day? I'll honestly say "No", because motherhood comes with its fair bit of trials, tribulations and frustrations. But then again, those are only momentary. At the end of the day, I love being a mom every single day. And that's the truth too.

And here are my top five reasons for revelling in motherhood:

1) The act of creation. I am overawed about how I helped make these two little people and that they lived inside me for nine months each. For nine months they were nourished exclusively by me, grew in the coccoon that I provided, were comforted by my heartbeat and had their lives intimately intertwined with mine. The thought still fills me with absolute wonderment.

2) Linked to the above is that they have brought me closer to God. I don’t pray ritually everyday. I don’t go to the pooja room everyday. But I have a closer relationship with God today, than I did before motherhood. I just need to look into their eyes or hear them laugh to bring me closer to Those Above and feel grateful and thankful. I also feel anchored, which is how I pray my boys feel towards me.

3) I have learnt to see the world a-new through their eyes. A bird’s feather, a crawling ant, the setting sun look; everything seems fresher, brighter and newer when you look at them through the eyes of a child.

4) I have rediscovered the world of books. And music. Old favourites have made their presence felt in my life again, and I am not going to let them get away this time. Not just that, but my children have also helped reignite the flames of creativity. I was going through such a bad dry spell where writing was concerned. I thought my pools of imagination had dried up; that I’d lost vision and direction. But motherhood inspires me on a daily basis and in doing so it has brought me back to life.

5) Motherhood makes me want to be the best that I can possibly be. Not just as a mother, but as a woman, as a person – as me. I try to teach by example. I use the ‘magic words’ more often now, than I did in my entire life. I try to reach for the stars…I do fail, but it makes me try harder. Twenty years down the line, I want to be able to look them in the eye and say, “You know, I gave it my all and I’ve done the best I could.” And hopefully, they won’t fault me for that.

And now, I tag:
Mystic Margarita (US)
Preeti Sharma (Mumbai; not really a ‘mommy blogger’, but a mommy and a blogger, so…)
My Namesake (Bangalore)
Shankari (Chennai)
Karma Calling (US)

Friday, March 6, 2009

To the 'gooni' JB...the Doi Begun!

I promised the fascinating JB of the wonderful blog, Emancipation of Eve, that I would chip in with a recipe for her yummy new food blog, every now and again...like once in a pink moon, or something. Well, the pink moon doth shine and since she asked me about a particular 'doi begun' (brinjals with yogurt/curds) recipe, which I happened to mention in the comments section, I thought, 'Why not?'

So JB my dear, this one's for you...

DOI BEGUN
There are two ways of making this. For the conventional method you need:
small brinjals, cut lengthwise -- 500 gms
turmeric -- a pinch
oil -- for frying
ghee/butter -- 2 tbsp
chilli powder -- 1/2 tsp (optional)
jeera/cumin powder -- 2 tbsp (dry roast the jeera and make into powder)
salt -- to taste
sugar -- 1/2 tsp
  • Rub salt and turmeric on the cut brinjal pieces, fry, drain excess oil.
  • Whip together till smooth, the curds, salt and sugar. Set aside.
  • Heat ghee/butter and add the fried brinjal pieces.
  • Add the curds. Stir and mix well.
  • Let it simmer gently on a low flame for ten minutes.
  • Before removing from fire, add the jeera powder and red chilli powder.
  • Serve with rice.

Now for the unconventional method, which my MIL often makes:

The ingredients are the same.

  • Rub salt and turmeric on the brinjal pieces, fry, drain excess oil.
  • Whip together till smooth, the curds, salt, sugar, jeera powder and chilli powder.
  • In the deep serving dish, arrange the fried brinjal pieces.
  • Pour the curds over it.
  • Garnish with a sprinkling of cummin powder and red chilli powder.
  • Serve with parathas or the Bengali favourite...luchis!! (puris made from maida)

There you go JB! I hope you enjoy it!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Nari Shakti Zindabad!!


I think I may have sent out a wrong signal in yesterdays post. From many of the comments, I feel I've put myself across as someone who doesn't believe in the Pink Chaddi Campaign anymore.

Nothing could be further than the truth.

I have and still am, shouting myself hoarse about this merry band of forward women. I got a cousin SIL to join and have had animated discussions a-plenty with anybody willing to listen...and even not listen. I know for a fact, that thanks to my closest and bestest friend, my chaddi was deposited safe, sound and simmering with all the intentions of letting hell loose, at the Bangalore collection spot.

I was just worrying aloud about whether this will make a difference to Muthalik and his goons. I was worried about how he would retaliate. And I am thrilled to say that I think I have been worrying needlessly. I've been getting/reading lots of reports, all good, from all over the country. I don't want to jinx anything yet by shouting 'Hurrah' and doing a victory dance wearing, what else but, pink chaddies! (in the privacy of my bedroom folks! Even the bathroom mirror shall be spared the horror of that sight!!), but can I safely say, Round 1...the Consortium?

But, I still wouldn't let go of that belan!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Belan Brigade


When I first heard about the Mangalore pub incident, I was outraged. I wanted to pull someone's hair out, slap some perv faces and basically have the shit beaten out of the hoodlums. I'm sorry, but that is how I feel.

I get very militant when I hear about these kinds of injustices meted out...especially to the 'weaker sex'. I want to scream, lash out, morph into Jhansi ki Rani or Devi Chaudhrani and attack the scumbags.

When the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women first came into existence, I yelled out a 'Hallelujah!' and joined with great gusto. I am a proud sister and am glad I'm part of this motley crew of creative, intelligent women (and yes, some men too, I believe!)
Then, they came out with the brilliant Pink Chaddi Campaign. With a war cry, I signed up. I thought the campaign was cute, cheeky, creative and oh-so-unique. I still do. But, at the same time, and over the past 48-hours more than ever, I feel that it is not enough.

Mystic Margarita and Emancipation of Eve's JB have put into words, brilliantly, my other feelings about this campaign.
Like Mystic, I am wondering about whether these illiterate dolts will get the sarcasm and spirit of our message? Will they wither at our outrage? Will they change their worthless ways? And most importantly, will they care?

I'm afraid not. They have already started collecting saris as a counter-attack. They are using our underwear as fuel for thier hateful fire and ire and using it to show their supporters that we are the cause for the morality spiralling downwards in this country.

And I love the points JB has raised as well. We have to fight back. We can not let them squeeze our breasts and 'get off', all in the name of protecting 'our' culture. 'Our' culture talks of protecting women, their freedom, their dignity, their femininity. We can not let them tear at our clothes and maul us, saying that they are doing it for the good of Bharat Mata. It is a symbolic rape of the daughters of the very Mata you are trying to keep chaste.

On the day of the pub-bharo andolan, I think along with our pink chaddis and Scotch on the Rocks, we should turn ourselves into a 'Belan Brigade' and arm ourselves with belans. Symbolic weapons of protest and protection. You so much as point a finger in our direction, I will break said bloody finger, even the whole hand, in self-defence.

To all my sisters ready for battle in the upcoming pubcrawls, remember ours is an act of defiance. But these goons have already shown that they will not think even once before slapping a woman or pulling her by her hair. Protect yourself and others too.

I raise a toast to you, your bravery and your wicked sense of humour! I will be with you in spirit, hopefully in some bar/pub in Kolkata, drinking my share of the bubbly and saying a prayer for your safety and the success of the campaign. May it be peaceful, may it be overwhelming, may it be successful!
CHEERS!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Pretty in Pink...Undies!


Pink chaddis. They can be very feminine. In a totally sex kitten kind of a way. Or in an innocent, baby-doll kind of a way. They can tell us what kind of a mood you're in too...sexy, naughty, raunchy, caught up with domesticity, blah, experimental, trendy...and rebellious.

Today, thanks to the initiative of some very cool, creative and outraged women, the pink chaddi has taken on new meaning. It has come to symbolise women asserting their individual right to freedom as citizens of this country. It is a symbol of our rage, our disgust. It is our voice, dressed up in a pretty colour and stitched into an intimate garment that expresses us in a unique and sit-up-and-take-note-you-bastards! kind of manner.

Join the Pink Chaddi Campaign. Today.

We are not airing our dirty underwear in public. We are hurtling our strong, worthy statements at those who are trying to carry out the equivalent of castration on the 'weaker' sex!

Take that, you neanderthal! And that, and that....

Fellow sisters in thongs, granny-pants and and other assortments of lingerie...
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Mad Momma
Anindita Sengupta
Within/Without
Indian Home Maker


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Ayah: To Have or Not To?

Sue's post today, struck a chord. I started to leave a comment, but it was turning into a mini-post, so instead, I chose to blog about it. Hence, this post of mine...

Sue's 'no ayah' sentiment is something that I not only understand, but 'lived' by for a very, very long time. Being a bideshi-and-then-probaashi-bangalee until I moved to Cal, the concept of ayahs was, to me, a very Brit thing. A colonial hangover. My mother raised two kids alone in New York and then Bangalore. My aunts were doing it all over India. So when I got preggie and delivered my EO, I knew I was going to do it on my own. Having my baby run to somebody else for comforting and words of love; having my baby hugging and kissing someone else; having my baby transfer his affections to a woman other than me, his mother; letting someone else be the first to witness any of his 'firsts' and other milestones...ugh! Unthinkable! Soul-crushingly, mind-f***ingly unthinkable and cringe-inducing. No way!! Not for me!! Thank you, but no thanks!!

Well, the family that I had married into had very different ideas, including the MIM. For them, ayahs were a part and parcel of the domestic scene. Families with little kids could not function without them. It was unthinkable. But I was was anal about handing over my baby to anybody else, and yes, that included my in-laws and my parents. I was stuck to him like well dried and solidified Feviquik. The problem was that the MIM did not share my viewpoint at all. And it certainly didn't help matters that the SIL , a Calcuttan through-and-through, was visiting from Bombay with a four-month old and that she had hired an ayah for the entire time that she was here. So, I finally bowed down to pressure and hired someone; her ayah's sister in fact. But, obsessive-possessive natures are impossible to change, so even though I had someone, she wasn't allowed to touch my precious baby. And I mean literally! I let her help me out by drawing the bath water, washing the baby's clothes and keeping the room Dettol-clean, hospital spic-and-span. But I would feed the EO, bathe him, change him, put him to sleep...hell, I didn't even let her clean his potty! I never left him alone for even one second and I was, obviously, very tired and extremely sleep-deprived. But I was happy. Happy beyond measure! Because I was doing everything for him myself! I never went out anywhere at night, wanting to cuddle up next to my miracle at all times.

But things were not easy. People thought I was mad, crazy, unreasonable. The taunts I had to hear and endure broke my spirit. I cried myself to sleep many nights. Even my 'friends', the Calcutta-based ones, were so un-understanding and unsympathetic. They felt bad for the MIM who had to deal and live with such a stubborn idiot of a woman. I never felt more alone in my life!

Then I went to stay with my parents in Bangalore for three months -- maidless. Aah! The freedom and joy of it all! After I returned to Calcutta, I put my foot down -- no more ayah! I was adamant and stood my ground and nobody could make me change my mind. My son would have me and only me. And boy did he!

I am sorry to say that the MIM and I had a very tough time over this issue and it affected our marriage deeply. I stopped partying and going out anywhere at night. Anywhere my baby wasn't welcome, well, then I wouldn't be there.

In hindsight, I feel I could have been less rigid and a bit more compromising. Maybe I should have trusted my MIL a bit more with the EO, but back then, I just couldn't hand over a piece of me to anyone at all. And I do mean anyone and everyone. Did I ever hear the end of it? No. I still don't.

Do I regret not having help? NOT FOR A SINGLE SECOND. Do I wish I had gone about things differently? Maybe just a tiny bit since it affected my husband AND my marriage so much. But even then, the decision not to have an ayah was the right decision for me...then.

Now, I really need the help and I am grateful for it. I am so busy ferrying the EO to and from school and then his various activity classes and his birthday parties and keeping up with his social life in general, that I need an extra set of hands to help me with my YO. As a result of which, I am a lot less possessive about the YO. Does that mean I love him any less? My mind shouts a loud, clear and resounding "NO!!!!", but the heart? Ah well, that is another story entirely all together for the heart has a mind of its own...

Does it hurt that the YO first turns to the ayahs for comfort if he falls down and hurts himself? No, it doesn't hurt...it KILLS me. Even now. I die a hundred deaths when he goes, arms outstretched, to one of the ayahs for anything...be it a cookie, a toy, a few words of endearment, some soothing... But, this is a decision I made and have to live with. Yet, there are often [in fact, very often lately :)] when the YO chooses me over anybody else, when he wants me and only me. And these are moments I cherish with an insane kind of triumph and glee. And that's when I realise that I will aways be his mother and no one else can take my place.

So the decision to have, or not have an ayah, is a very personal one. What is right for you may not be right for somebody else. Hell, it can your decision can even change along with your circumstances. As it did for me. Like I said before, I don't regret not having one during the EO's time. However with the YO around, I wish I could do without one, but I would only be fooling myself.

What I would never do though, is deride someone for having/not having an ayah. I would never force my opinions on somebody else and put the other person on a guilt-trip regarding this decision. And very frankly, I think it's the mother's call more than anybody else's in this issue.

After all, the decision to keep someone who can do huge chinks of your job is a very, VERY big one. You have to be sure. The ayah is someone who ca stand in for you whenever you're not around. Having someone 'take your place' in your baby's life...well, it's humongously HUGE. And you just have to be comfortable with it.

In conclusion, I just have this to say -- if you know someone who doesn't want an ayah even though you feel she should have one...back off. If you can't be supportive, at least keep your trap shut!