Thursday, February 9, 2012
Ta-daaaaaa!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Book Review: Devdutt Pattanaik's "7 Secrets of Vishnu"
When you are asked to review a book by one of your favourite authors, and that too, on a subject that you have been passionate about ever since you have been a little kid, then the task at hand can only be a pleasant one. Well, that is exactly what reviewing Devdutt Pattanaik’s “7 Secrets of Vishnu” was for me. I have been an avid mythology buff ever since I can remember and the passion has only intensified with time.
I have been reading Devdutt Pattanaik’s work for quite a while now. Not just me, in fact, but my eight-year-old son as well, who is a fan of Pattanaik’s “Adventures in Devlok” series.
The Hindu trinity, as we all know, comprises of Brahma the Creator, Vishnu the Preserver and Shiva the Destroyer. The symbols and rituals connected to Each One are markedly different. And why not? It stands to reason as They represent different levels of consciousness. They do not look like Each Other, nor do They behave similarly and They perform different duties. Pattanaik’s “7 Secrets of Vishnu” attempts to help the reader decipher the symbology and unlock the secrets behind the stories and rituals associated with Lord Vishnu.
Through the stories of Vishnu, complex Hindu ideologies and philosophies have been communicated in an easy to read manner. Issues that we have always wondered about have been addressed beautifully by the author. Like, for example, why are the Devas and Asuras, both the offspring of Brahma, always at war? The saga of the never-ending battles between the Devas and the Asuras bring to light the emotional turmoil faced by both; the Devas also represent insecurity while the Asuras embody ambition and thus the constant state of unrest.
The book takes us through the various avatars assumed by Him on Earth. Divided into seven chapters, each one helps us in understanding key concepts and in delving into the mysteries of the Divine. I learnt so many new things from each of these chapters, which is always very exciting. For example, I learnt about Alakshmi, the Sister of Lakshmi who accompanies her Sister wherever She goes and She represents strife. The entire passage about how Lakshmi arose from amrit and Alakshmi from halahala – brilliant! Also the gem about how Shukracharya, guru to the Asuras, lost an eye when Vishnu descended to Earth as Vamana, the Brahmin dwarf, was a new story for me to imbibe and marvel over. The absolute crowning jewel for me was how Pattanaik beautifully explained that Luv-Kush’s victory over their father showed that dharma rests with Sita and not Ayodhya! Brilliant! As one who has always been furious over the treatment meted out to Sita in the epic, this one statement was a fist-pumping hurrah! moment. Yes, it has been explained time and again that Ram put his kingly duties above his personal needs, but that only serves to make him the Perfect King, not the Perfect Man.
The photographs of ancient artwork and temple sculptures help bring the book alive, especially with their little bubbles of explanation. Colour photography would have been greatly appreciated, of course, but that’s nitpicking. An index would also have been of great use, and I strongly suggest the publishers think of adding one in the next edition.
All in all, a great read and one I would urge all mythology buffs to immediately indulge in!
This review is a part of the http://blog.blogadda.com
Monday, August 22, 2011
BlogAdda's Book Review Program: Musings of a Wanderer
I signed up for the BlogAdda book reviews program when I saw that this book was up for grabs -- "Musings of a Wanderer" by Shreya Chatterjee.
No, we're not related even though we do share a surname. And no, I didn't choose this book because we share that surname.
I chose it because it's a book of poetry. And I love poetry.
Shreya's poetry is mostly an outpouring of her feelings. Now I am all for offerings of these outpourings, because I believe that it is quite central to good poetry. However, having said that, much of Shreya’s work seems to be like a first draft; the feelings that must have gushed within and found an expression in words must have been hurriedly caught and put down on paper before disappearing altogether, for we know how ephemeral a thought can be. But once the thought has been captured, it must be prodded, teased, fretted over and had hair-torn-out-in-clumps until perfection is attained. I know how easy it is to get too close to one's own work and that chopping a word here or slicing a verse there feels like we are butchering a small part of ourselves, but this kind of attachment does not make for good writing. It makes us too sensitive and it makes us stupidly stubborn.
Yes, I identified with many of her thoughts and feelings, after all, poetry is universal and that's what binds us. Some of her insights into the world around us as well as into her own soul are poignant and thought-provoking. You understand what she is trying to say and where she is coming from and you can’t help but smile a little wistfully. What I loved most about this collection is the little foot-notes that she added to some of her poems, giving us a peek into the inspiration behind the poem. Poetry is, after all, very personal, so it's a privilege to be given an insight into what thought, word, picture or moment gave birth to the idea of a poem.
That Shreya has a giant love for poetry is obvious. Unfortunately, that is not enough. She needs to nurture it like a mother nurtures her child and she can't give into it's stubborn, wilful tantrums. She must deal with her poems with a firm but loving hand and do what's best for them. So if words and whole verses need to be dropped, scratched and rewritten, then so it must be, for only then will the end results make us cry with pride.
Shreya has a long way to go, but she has started upon the journey bravely and boldly. Some of the poems written by this Wanderer do show remarkable promise, there’s no denying that. Had she worked on her craft a bit more and had her work fallen into the hands of an editor who understands the craft of poetry, and, more importantly, cares about poetry, this collection would have been far more impressive.
This review is a part of the "http://blog.blogadda.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Erotica and the Poet
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The Beauty in Her Soul

This woman, who was once a calendar girl in her Shanti-Niketan-Bosonto-Utsob regalia; who her nephews and nieces still remember as being the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen when she stepped in as a new bride in my grandparent's home; whom I used to look at with awe whenever she dressed up in a Benarasi silk sari, was glowing.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Bombai Se Aaye Hum're Doston...
- Steamed rice
- Salad with pomegranate
- Moong daal with peas and coconut shavings
- Dhokaar daalna (sort of like a badhi curry) --Veg, courtesy MaaJanoni
- Potoler dolmaa (stuffed parwal) -- Veg, courtesy the MIL
- Aalur dom -- Veg
- Bhetki paturi (fish fillets in thick mustard sauce, wrapped in banana leaves & steamed) -- Non-veg, moi
- Golda chingri malai curry (tiger prawns in coconut gravy) -- Non-veg, moi
- Koshaa mangsho (bhuna gosht) -- Non-veg, moi
- Mishti-doi cheesecake for dessert, moi
- To never take Lady K's 'fat posts' seriously again. I swear!! This woman is the epitome of sizzling, hot momma!! She's all curves and elegance and Dimple Kapadia hair! In short, she's gorgeous!!
- That Ro has a height, nose, smile and daughter to kill for. Again...I swear! What a lovely, lovely lady!
- That Super Brat Krish is actually a myth and in reality he is Boy-Gentleman Krish.
- That Ayaan is one of the sweetest, most intelligent little boys I've had the pleasure and wonder of meeting in a long time.
- That the Bhablet's eyes will be my undoing one of these days!
- That the blogging gig?...it so rocks!! What a wonderful community!
Monday, October 11, 2010
By The Water Cooler
Monday, May 3, 2010
Calling All Bloggers!
She'd compiling two books for Westland Publishers - "Chicken Soup for the Indian Friend's Soul" and "Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul: Celebrating Brothers and Sisters."
She asked me to put this up on my blog and to spread the word. Please write...we're all bloggers and it's what we do, right? And we mostly blog about our lives, right? So it should be a piece of cake!
And pass the word along to your bloggy friends, un-bloggy friends, family and colleagues. And tell them to spread the word too!
Her mail id is in the info in this link. She wants lots and lots of stories, so go on, indulge her!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Of Music, Old Age and Contests
It was beyond touching to see the way the EO behaved when he saw his Mamu. He woke up to find himself sleeping next to my mom (which he normally looks forward to, but not this Thursday!!) Disappointed at not being next to his Mamu, he shook MaaJanoni awake, reprimanded her for not depositing him next to said beloved Mamu and then proceeded to run to that same beloved Mamu's room and wake him up with little brother in tow. The Bro very sleepily hugged his nephews and then I shushed them out of the room to start off with the business of the daily grind. Two minutes later, my sleepy Bro walks into the room and a very, very, VERY thrilled little EO shrieks with delight and launches himself at his Mamu. The Bro picks him up and my EO hugs him with all his might, refusing to let go, for a full five minutes, until I had to finally pry him off! The EO then proceeded to do a happy dance :-)
The YO didn't behave as enthusiastically, observing the Bro for some time before he decided that he was alright. Hes, the pack of Hot Wheel cars definitely helped!! But I can't really blame my little one, after all 'Mamu' was just a concept to him, someone his big brother, mother and grand-parents spoke about with great love and affection; someone whom he had no memories of at all, being just a year-and-a-half when he was last here. But here's someone who has the good sense to bring him cars and chocolates...what's not to love?
As for me? It's great having him back! We've already had our chats, heart-to-hearts and many conversations. One of the more memorable ones ran thus...
After coming back from a day trip to Shantiniketan with the MIM, MaaJanoni and MY iPod, the Bro, who has always loved my taste in music, says to me, "Dids, good collection...some great music there...but why does everything have to be so slow?"
Me: Slow?!? Have you seen all my playlists?!?
the Bro: Oh yeah, I have...hence the 'slow'. And old.
Me: (sputtering) But it's got the Scorpions, Bon Jovi, some Deep Purple and Guns 'n' Roses on it!!!
the Bro: Yeah...slow. And old!!
That's it. I've done it. I've actually lived long enough for 'The Scorpions' and 'Deep Purple' to be declared slow and old!! And no...I'm not even remotely interested in what's on the Bro's music list!
********************************************************************
I'm a contest junkie. The SMS and online kind. Remember that site that I had asked all of you to visit a while back? Mummyknowsbest.com? Well, the good folks there are back with another great contest...this one's for the bookworms!! Trust me, you'll love it!! Please do go and check it out folks! Go, participate, win!! Click here for deets!
And if you find the time, let the gals there know what you like, don't like and would like to see on their site! :-)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Spread the Love, Please
Now, there are a few blogs out there that put the 'zip' in my 'zippety-do-dah'. Parul's blog is one of them and it has been nominated in the Best Personal Indiblog category. Do go over and vote for her. PLEASE!! If anyone deserves it, she does!
While voting for her, I noticed two other nominations that deserve all the support that they can get; Indian Homemaker in the Best Humanities Indiblog category and IndieQuill for the Best Entertainment Indiblog category.
Lots of other popular blogs are up for nominations in various categories. Go on and show them all your love. Here. Please. Thanks!
Monday, October 26, 2009
M4 is lost...
Regular programming will continue once she has devoured and digested the contents.
However, before I sign off, I would like to tell you all, about this site a good friend of mine has been working on. I think it's brilliant and something we mommies can all use as a reference guide. As a favour to me, please do check it out and if you like what you see, do spread the word. There's a contest going on now too! FUN!!
Here's the link...and remember, suggestions are most welcome! http://www.mummyknowsbest.com/
Friday, July 10, 2009
Bringing Up Vasu: That First Year
It's because of the way she writes. There's a gentle humour emanating from her writing, like a favourite aroma. It makes you want to read her every morning so that you can start your day with a smile. That's the kind of coffee it is.
So when I found out she was writing a book, I knew that I would love it. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to to be objective about it. It's hard to detach yourself from something you love so much and write with a kind of un-sentimentality, but I'm going to try, nevertheless.
"Bringing Up Vasu: That First Year"...yes, of course I loved it! And not just because it's Parul's writing. But because it is really, REALLY good! It is. It's exactly what you would expect of Paurl...funny. And, here's the delightful thing about it, it's all kinds of funny. There's the tee-hee-hee type; the snort-cackle-guffaw kind; the LOL variety and the simple, pleasant, gentle-smile-about-the- lips style as well.
And here lies the problem. Sometimes, only a very few 'sometimes', the funny seemed forced. The spontaneity was missing and you felt that it had been written for funny's sake. Certain dialogues between Mira and her gal pals seemed contrived. As well as some of the New-Age schemes followed by the mother.
But I don't take that away from the book at all. I personally know how hard it is trying to sustain humour from beginning to end. It's a mammoth task and Parul has done a remarkable job!
But that's really nitpicking, because on the whole the book doesn't just work, it rocks. I found myself impatient to get back to it whenever I was away from it. There's so much to love about it! I was totally into Mira's life and adored her relationship with her adorable hubby. I understood her crazies, her lows and her obsession to her first-born, absolutely through and through. I cheered her on during her exchanges with the dreaded PNx. I cheered Vasu on at the Teddy Footprints interview. And I happily read and re-read 'The Letters From the Edge'; they were hilarious, touching and awww-some at the same time.
You will recognise Parul in the book. And I don't feel that that's such a bad thing. When you're writing about a topic that is not just close to home, but IS home, shades of you, your family and your life experiences are bound to pepper the tale you tell. So the Northie and Tamilian references...fine by me. The letters to Vasu remarkably like the ones Parul wrote to Adi...yup, I'm good with that too.
I'm good with the whole thing. More than good, actually! I'm so totally, absolutely, crowing-from-the-rooftops, jolly, damn good with it that I am hoping and praying for a sequel!
Parul, get cracking already girl!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
For Parul
It finally arrived on Sunday and I can't stop smiling to myself. Every now and then, I even break into an impromptu Happy Chicken Dance!
Had this been once upon a time, long, long, a helluva long time ago, I would have finished the book in one sitting. Now that old age, failing eyesight, a Mr. Man, two boisterous brats, tiffin-making and chaperoning car-pools make up the circle of my life, that is not possible anymore. I am half-way through it...and LOVING IT!!
But this is not a review. I will save that for the whole book. It's only fair. This post is about something my EO said to me.
The MIM and I had taken the boys out on Sunday for book browsing and lunch. When we came back, there was the packet that I had been waiting for ever since I knew it was on it's way. With a war-cry, I attacked the outer covering to unearth the book that I had been waiting for ever since I knew it had hit the stands.
My EO was watching me with interest. "What is that, Mamma? A book?"
Excitedly, I gave him the book and said, "See baby, see? My friend has written this book. See?"
He took the book from my hands and looked at the cover with shining eyes. "Is it about this baby?"
"Yes. Yes it is about that baby boy. And his mamma."
He gave a giggle of approval and then ran after his brother for a game of 'Catch Me If You Can' at break-neck speed.
I thought that was that. I was mistaken.
Yesterday, while I was taking him to karate class, he said, "Mamma, I have a story for that aunty."
"Which aunty, baby?", I asked perplexed.
"The aunty which wrote that book!"
I was shocked. "Parul aunty?"
"Her name is Parul? Which wrote that blue, baby book that you are reading?"
"Yes, bubba."
"Then yes, Parul aunty. I want you to give her this story."
So Parul, this is for you. From my growing-up-WAY-too-fast, not-yet-six-year-old sunshine, my EO. (Please note, it has been grossly edited of EO-speak, for the little dude tends to ramble on and on and on. I've cut through the meanderings and given you a spiffy, spruced up version. But how I wish you could have heard the original, complete with expressive eyes glowing, voice modulation and hand movements.)
The Bad Snake
Once upon a time, a big sister and her two small brothers went to a dark forest. There, they met a kangaroo. The kangaroo was very friendly and took them for a ride through the forest. Then they met a wolf. He wasn't a bad wolf. He was friendly and he too took the three children for a ride through the forest.
The three children made ten friends in the forest...the kangaroo, the wolf, a grasshopper, a bumblebee, an ostrich, a tiger, a fire-bee, a lion, a white tiger and an owl. Everyday they would play together.
One day, from the river, a big, black, deadly-poisonous black mamba came out!! He was very mean. He told lies. He started telling lies to all the animals. He said that the big sister was not a nice person.
The other animals were very angry with him for telling such lies and they threw rocks at him. He started to cry and said that he was very sorry and that he would never lie again. The other animals told him to go back into the river and to never come out again.
After that, the big, black mamba never troubled them again and the big sister with her two small brothers played with their animal friends everyday.
P.S. Notice the detail about the lying snake? I guess I don't need to be a psychologist to figure this one out!
Friday, May 1, 2009
A Noble Cause, A Great Effort
And try and help out...somewhere, somehow. You know you can.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Five Small Things About a Big, BIG Love (a.k.a Around the World in 80 Clicks)
I have been tagged by the sunny Sue and the joyful Goofy Mamma to do this beautiful tag. Thanks guys! When I saw it doing the rounds I kept thinking to myself, impatiently like a child, "Mera number kab ayegaa?"
The tag is: 5 things that you love about being a mom. Next, find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (let them know that you've tagged them!) - and link back here and HBM and leave a comment.
Now I know some of the things that I feel and will write over here may sound like I'm parroting others' feelings about this blissful state of being, but that's just the thing about motherhood, isn't it? The sense of universality that it encompasses. In fact, if you sit back to think about it, it's one of the more major factors that have brought us together and made us bond. Hell, we even have a community all our own -- 'Mommy Bloggers.' I am so proud to be a part of this sorority. It's an honour, a priveledge and a pleasure.
You all know that I love being a mom. I harp on and on about it enough here ;)
Motherhood has totally and absolutely changed me. In good ways and yes, bad as well (but I won't dwell on that here). I feel as if I was put on this Earth to give birth to and mother these two little bundles of neverending joy and mischief that I've been so incredibly blessed with. I still do have dreams of my own, but I don't mind putting them on hold while I delight in the company of my children. My children. My sons. My boys. I am still overwhelmed whenever I say these phrases, whether out loud or to myself. So much so, that I actually stop and repeat it to myself a couple of times in my head just so that I can savour the beauty, wonder and bliss that these words fill me with...my children, my sons, my boys.
But having said that, am I a great mom? No, no, hell no! And when they grow up, I'm sure my boys will tell you the same. But I am a mom. Irrevocably so. Do I love being a mom every single second of the day? I'll honestly say "No", because motherhood comes with its fair bit of trials, tribulations and frustrations. But then again, those are only momentary. At the end of the day, I love being a mom every single day. And that's the truth too.
And here are my top five reasons for revelling in motherhood:
1) The act of creation. I am overawed about how I helped make these two little people and that they lived inside me for nine months each. For nine months they were nourished exclusively by me, grew in the coccoon that I provided, were comforted by my heartbeat and had their lives intimately intertwined with mine. The thought still fills me with absolute wonderment.
2) Linked to the above is that they have brought me closer to God. I don’t pray ritually everyday. I don’t go to the pooja room everyday. But I have a closer relationship with God today, than I did before motherhood. I just need to look into their eyes or hear them laugh to bring me closer to Those Above and feel grateful and thankful. I also feel anchored, which is how I pray my boys feel towards me.
3) I have learnt to see the world a-new through their eyes. A bird’s feather, a crawling ant, the setting sun look; everything seems fresher, brighter and newer when you look at them through the eyes of a child.
4) I have rediscovered the world of books. And music. Old favourites have made their presence felt in my life again, and I am not going to let them get away this time. Not just that, but my children have also helped reignite the flames of creativity. I was going through such a bad dry spell where writing was concerned. I thought my pools of imagination had dried up; that I’d lost vision and direction. But motherhood inspires me on a daily basis and in doing so it has brought me back to life.
5) Motherhood makes me want to be the best that I can possibly be. Not just as a mother, but as a woman, as a person – as me. I try to teach by example. I use the ‘magic words’ more often now, than I did in my entire life. I try to reach for the stars…I do fail, but it makes me try harder. Twenty years down the line, I want to be able to look them in the eye and say, “You know, I gave it my all and I’ve done the best I could.” And hopefully, they won’t fault me for that.
And now, I tag:
Mystic Margarita (US)
Preeti Sharma (Mumbai; not really a ‘mommy blogger’, but a mommy and a blogger, so…)
My Namesake (Bangalore)
Shankari (Chennai)
Karma Calling (US)
Friday, March 6, 2009
To the 'gooni' JB...the Doi Begun!
So JB my dear, this one's for you...
DOI BEGUN
There are two ways of making this. For the conventional method you need:
small brinjals, cut lengthwise -- 500 gms
turmeric -- a pinch
oil -- for frying
ghee/butter -- 2 tbsp
chilli powder -- 1/2 tsp (optional)
jeera/cumin powder -- 2 tbsp (dry roast the jeera and make into powder)
salt -- to taste
sugar -- 1/2 tsp
- Rub salt and turmeric on the cut brinjal pieces, fry, drain excess oil.
- Whip together till smooth, the curds, salt and sugar. Set aside.
- Heat ghee/butter and add the fried brinjal pieces.
- Add the curds. Stir and mix well.
- Let it simmer gently on a low flame for ten minutes.
- Before removing from fire, add the jeera powder and red chilli powder.
- Serve with rice.
Now for the unconventional method, which my MIL often makes:
The ingredients are the same.
- Rub salt and turmeric on the brinjal pieces, fry, drain excess oil.
- Whip together till smooth, the curds, salt, sugar, jeera powder and chilli powder.
- In the deep serving dish, arrange the fried brinjal pieces.
- Pour the curds over it.
- Garnish with a sprinkling of cummin powder and red chilli powder.
- Serve with parathas or the Bengali favourite...luchis!! (puris made from maida)
There you go JB! I hope you enjoy it!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Nari Shakti Zindabad!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Belan Brigade

Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Pretty in Pink...Undies!

Today, thanks to the initiative of some very cool, creative and outraged women, the pink chaddi has taken on new meaning. It has come to symbolise women asserting their individual right to freedom as citizens of this country. It is a symbol of our rage, our disgust. It is our voice, dressed up in a pretty colour and stitched into an intimate garment that expresses us in a unique and sit-up-and-take-note-you-bastards! kind of manner.
Join the Pink Chaddi Campaign. Today.
We are not airing our dirty underwear in public. We are hurtling our strong, worthy statements at those who are trying to carry out the equivalent of castration on the 'weaker' sex!
Take that, you neanderthal! And that, and that....
Fellow sisters in thongs, granny-pants and and other assortments of lingerie...
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Mad Momma
Anindita Sengupta
Within/Without
Indian Home Maker
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Ayah: To Have or Not To?
Sue's 'no ayah' sentiment is something that I not only understand, but 'lived' by for a very, very long time. Being a bideshi-and-then-probaashi-bangalee until I moved to Cal, the concept of ayahs was, to me, a very Brit thing. A colonial hangover. My mother raised two kids alone in New York and then Bangalore. My aunts were doing it all over India. So when I got preggie and delivered my EO, I knew I was going to do it on my own. Having my baby run to somebody else for comforting and words of love; having my baby hugging and kissing someone else; having my baby transfer his affections to a woman other than me, his mother; letting someone else be the first to witness any of his 'firsts' and other milestones...ugh! Unthinkable! Soul-crushingly, mind-f***ingly unthinkable and cringe-inducing. No way!! Not for me!! Thank you, but no thanks!!
Well, the family that I had married into had very different ideas, including the MIM. For them, ayahs were a part and parcel of the domestic scene. Families with little kids could not function without them. It was unthinkable. But I was was anal about handing over my baby to anybody else, and yes, that included my in-laws and my parents. I was stuck to him like well dried and solidified Feviquik. The problem was that the MIM did not share my viewpoint at all. And it certainly didn't help matters that the SIL , a Calcuttan through-and-through, was visiting from Bombay with a four-month old and that she had hired an ayah for the entire time that she was here. So, I finally bowed down to pressure and hired someone; her ayah's sister in fact. But, obsessive-possessive natures are impossible to change, so even though I had someone, she wasn't allowed to touch my precious baby. And I mean literally! I let her help me out by drawing the bath water, washing the baby's clothes and keeping the room Dettol-clean, hospital spic-and-span. But I would feed the EO, bathe him, change him, put him to sleep...hell, I didn't even let her clean his potty! I never left him alone for even one second and I was, obviously, very tired and extremely sleep-deprived. But I was happy. Happy beyond measure! Because I was doing everything for him myself! I never went out anywhere at night, wanting to cuddle up next to my miracle at all times.
But things were not easy. People thought I was mad, crazy, unreasonable. The taunts I had to hear and endure broke my spirit. I cried myself to sleep many nights. Even my 'friends', the Calcutta-based ones, were so un-understanding and unsympathetic. They felt bad for the MIM who had to deal and live with such a stubborn idiot of a woman. I never felt more alone in my life!
Then I went to stay with my parents in Bangalore for three months -- maidless. Aah! The freedom and joy of it all! After I returned to Calcutta, I put my foot down -- no more ayah! I was adamant and stood my ground and nobody could make me change my mind. My son would have me and only me. And boy did he!
I am sorry to say that the MIM and I had a very tough time over this issue and it affected our marriage deeply. I stopped partying and going out anywhere at night. Anywhere my baby wasn't welcome, well, then I wouldn't be there.
In hindsight, I feel I could have been less rigid and a bit more compromising. Maybe I should have trusted my MIL a bit more with the EO, but back then, I just couldn't hand over a piece of me to anyone at all. And I do mean anyone and everyone. Did I ever hear the end of it? No. I still don't.
Do I regret not having help? NOT FOR A SINGLE SECOND. Do I wish I had gone about things differently? Maybe just a tiny bit since it affected my husband AND my marriage so much. But even then, the decision not to have an ayah was the right decision for me...then.
Now, I really need the help and I am grateful for it. I am so busy ferrying the EO to and from school and then his various activity classes and his birthday parties and keeping up with his social life in general, that I need an extra set of hands to help me with my YO. As a result of which, I am a lot less possessive about the YO. Does that mean I love him any less? My mind shouts a loud, clear and resounding "NO!!!!", but the heart? Ah well, that is another story entirely all together for the heart has a mind of its own...
Does it hurt that the YO first turns to the ayahs for comfort if he falls down and hurts himself? No, it doesn't hurt...it KILLS me. Even now. I die a hundred deaths when he goes, arms outstretched, to one of the ayahs for anything...be it a cookie, a toy, a few words of endearment, some soothing... But, this is a decision I made and have to live with. Yet, there are often [in fact, very often lately :)] when the YO chooses me over anybody else, when he wants me and only me. And these are moments I cherish with an insane kind of triumph and glee. And that's when I realise that I will aways be his mother and no one else can take my place.
So the decision to have, or not have an ayah, is a very personal one. What is right for you may not be right for somebody else. Hell, it can your decision can even change along with your circumstances. As it did for me. Like I said before, I don't regret not having one during the EO's time. However with the YO around, I wish I could do without one, but I would only be fooling myself.
What I would never do though, is deride someone for having/not having an ayah. I would never force my opinions on somebody else and put the other person on a guilt-trip regarding this decision. And very frankly, I think it's the mother's call more than anybody else's in this issue.
After all, the decision to keep someone who can do huge chinks of your job is a very, VERY big one. You have to be sure. The ayah is someone who ca stand in for you whenever you're not around. Having someone 'take your place' in your baby's life...well, it's humongously HUGE. And you just have to be comfortable with it.
In conclusion, I just have this to say -- if you know someone who doesn't want an ayah even though you feel she should have one...back off. If you can't be supportive, at least keep your trap shut!
