Sex Ed: The Saga Continues...

A while back, the EO and I were watching "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara." He was loving it for a number of reasons, such as the songs, the fact that it was based and shot in Spain and he loves all things Spanish (and Japanese, but that's besides the point), the plot-line of going on three daring adventures with one's friends, the camaraderie between the friends, and so on and so forth.

I was loving it primarily for one reason and one reason alone and that reason is named Hrithik. Sigh... Yes, yes, his hair was coloured all wrong in the movie, but have you seen the man dance, people? Have you? He is pure, unadulterated, wild, joyful sex. That's what he is. Sex.

Anyway, so we're watching and loving the movie. My son is being his normal self and asking me hundreds of questions when we're suddenly at that song sequence, "Der Lagi Lekin" and there's a three second visual of Hrithik & Katrina spooning in bed and of course the EO noticed. Now I know what you're going to say...yes, yes, there was a scene earlier in the movie between Farhan (my other love, just btw) and random Spanish chic, but the remote was in my hand at that time and I was able to skip it...not so lucky this time round and besides it was such a blink-and-you'll-miss-it scene -- the only problem was that my boy didn't blink just then. Sigh. Whatchyu gonna do?

Anyway, so he looks at me, shakes his head, rolls his eyes and asks, "Sex"? As nonchalantly as I possibly can, though I feel as if I have been punched hard in the guts, I simply say, "Yes."

Some more head-shaking and eye-rolling happens and then he informs me, very, very seriously, "Mamma, we're not going to tell bhai about all this stuff ever, ok? He doesn't need to know, alright? Even when he's a hundred, ok? Ok?" And while I'm mulling over what to say and trying to form a single, coherent sentence to say, it suddenly dawns on him, "Ooooh! But how will he have children, naa? Hmmm... Ok. We'll tell him a few days before the wedding. Ok? Ok!"

Oh boy! My boy! 

If only it were ok, my over-protective, little, big boy. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that YOU know this!! If only it were ok. If only.

Movie Time With the Brats

This evening, the EO was watching "The Artist." With a lot of interest and a lot of curiosity. As is his nature, he asked about 545 questions during the 100 minute movie... Sigh...

I like this, though. The fact that after watching something like "Shaolin Soccer" on repeat for the last three days, the boy sits down to watch a classy movie like "The Artist." It's the same reason that while I may cringe at the EO's love for these crass, ugly, new Bollywood numbers, he adores Beethoven and Rabindrasangeet and Queen and Sufi... It's the same with his reading habits. While he loves the Wimpy Kid series, still reads Geronimo Stilton, he's also into Tintin and Asterix and Shakespeare (abridged) and Satyajit Ray.

And that is important. The fact that we expose our children to every genre. They will pick and choose their favouites and have a more well-rounded, balanced appreciation of art, literature, films, theatre and what-have-you.
*******************************************************
While watching "The Artist", the conversation suddenly turned to beauty spots. The EO asked me if they are always drawn on and I said no, that usually people are born with them, and so saying, I showed them the one on my chin. Then the conversation turned to birthmarks and both the boys launched into a frenzied search for beauty spots and birthmarks upon their person. The EO tiumphantly declared that he'd found a beauty spot and was content. The YO had been born with quite a prominent birthmark, but it has started to fade over the last few years. Unable to find a suitable replacement he suddenly beams and exclaims, eyes a-twinkling, "I know! I know what my birthmark ijj! Everybody sayjj I'm cute, right? So that's my birthmark! I'm cute!"

Oh baby! He certainly is, more than he can imagine! And just like it's his birthmark to be cute, it's my birth right to squoosh and squish him to my heart's delight!
*********************************************************

After 'The Artist', 'Ratatouille' starts playing and the boys and I continue watching for a while. There's a scene when Remy's running on the beams in the attics trying to discover where he is and that blink-and-you'll-miss-it scene plays out...the one of an arguing French couple. Through the hole in the ceiling that Remy runs past, we see the angry couple standing face to face, the woman is holding a gun, Remy passes on, we see nothing but our friendly little rat running and then we hear a gunshot; startled, Remy turns back to the hole, and we see the man holding the woman's hand, the gun must have gone off in a struggle and the couple stare into each other's eyes for a few seconds before falling onto each other's lips and sucking face. It sounds longer than it really is, the whole scene does play out in a few seconds flat and it really is blink, wink, sneeze and you'll miss it.

But of course my boy's do none of the above and they see the whole scene and the EO shakes his head and turns his attention to the iPad on his lap, his cheeks turning red, while the YO giggles and whispers something in his big brother's ear. I pounce on him and ask him what's so funny. He shakes his head. I ask again. He shakes his head again when big brother jumps in to save little brother.

EO: It's nothing Mamma. Just the French doing what they usually do.
M4: Whaaaat?? And what makes you such an expert on the French and their habits? (Was he wrong? He'd got the stereotype down pat!)
EO: Oh come on Mamma, the whole Europe is...you know...romanta! (Totally making up this word to give it a European sounding flavour)
YO: (pipes in to add weightage to his brother's words) Yesh! Mamma, thish time on de Eiffle Tower, Dada saw two French people kissing for ONE HOUR!
EO: (a little irritated by his brother's exaggeration) Nooo!! Not one hour! For five minutes! If it was for one hour, then you can't breathe!

I am genuinely concerned about where he's getting all his info from and forming his own conclusions!

Just Because

Yes, I am writing. Yes, I am travelling. Yes, I am singing, reading, watching movies and eating chocolates. Yes, I did Jaipur and Singapore and had a blast doing them too.

Yes, I am breathing.

And yes. I am still crying myself to sleep every night.

And I guess that's why, we sometimes need to do things, 'just because'.

I went to see "Sex and the City -2" yesterday and on me were two of the three la-di-dah, branded, designer names I own. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am more boho chicca than haute couture diva. But yesterday, I carried my new, white Espirit bag (courtesy SIL) and wore my fabulous, new Guess shoes (courtesy recent trip to Singapore) to last evening's show of "Sex and the City - 2".

Just because.

P.S. Movie review : Good time-pass. Horrible clothes. A nice evening out with the girls.

A Nightmare in London

"London Dreams." A misnomer if ever there was one. I mean, dreams are supposed to be pleasant, right? Well, this one soooooo wasn't! We actually saw this with friends last Friday and I'm still waking up shrieking as bits and pieces, feviquiked to my inner mind, suddenly pop out to haunt me!

That it was bad, you can probably get from my opening para, but just how wishing-for-a-migraine-attack-so-that-my-head-is-pleasantly-occupied bad, you can't even begin to fathom. Not even in your wildest nightmare, err, dream!

What made it so god-awful, well, 'let me count the ways'.

1. For starters, Ajay Devgn (no, that's not a typo, that's how he spells it now). Now don't get me wrong, I have no major issues with the guy. In fact, thanks to his portrayal of Bhagat Singh, I quite like the guy. But for some crazy reason, he's begun to think that he can pull off comedy. Yo! Jay! I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you can't! Not that this movie was a comedy, but I needed to get that out of the way.
   Here's the thing though, if you've been noticing his last few movies, it almost looks as if he's trying to reclaim his lost youth. This has to be said...Jay, you were too old for this movie. This role deserved a younger actor, and you, my friend, were so not it!
2. Which brings me to fogey #2, Salman Khan. Where do I begin? Yikes!! Crass, crude, ridiculous and, and..errrr...oh yes -- OLD!!
   What were the makers of this film thinking when they were handing out the parts? Yes, of course there was the mandatory shirt-taking-off scene and his body still looks pretty darned good, but the rest of the package? Bloated! Been hitting the bottle, my friend?
   I mean, come on, if you're gonna plan a "Rock On!" type of movie, at least get your band of brothers right!
3. Which in turn brings me to it being a pale, sad, pathetic shadow of "Rock On!" They tried so hard to copy from perfection and instead ended up massacring it, like a botched-up boob-job.
4. I mean, they even had a Farhan Akhtar look-a-like, frizzy hair and all. Now he was cute and all, and had I still been in school uniform I would have totally kissed his poster and all that, but baby-doll, a Farhan Akhtar you ain't!
5. The weaker-than-my-grandma's-punch story-line. Let's not even go there. It was the hastily done patch-up job to cover up the botched-up boob-job.
6. Asin. She's pretty. Pretty dumb. And that's how she came across. And Lolita-like relationships just make me really uncomfortable. I get all squeamish when they are forcefully inflicted upon me. And the recent Bollywood trend of pairing these uncle types with a fresh pair of boobs is really nauseating. You have Sanju baba (who should really be rechristened Sanju dadu) rolling around in the sand with a clearly desperate-for-any-role Lara Dutta in the recently made 'Blue', and in this movie you have AD and SK lusting after Asin. What's the matter guys? Overdoing the testosterone shots? Not getting any at home? Well whatever the reason, stop pawing these toddlers in mini-skirts! It's ugly!
7. And what's with the whipping?!?!?!?! DUDE!!!! I mean, seriously!! I mean WTF!! I mean DUDE!!!!!! That was soooooo a bad lift from "The DaVinci Code"! And it was so, so, soooo...DUDE!!!

You know, I can go on. But I don't want to nit-pick, because I can really go on forever!

This movie ranks on my "Top Ten Worst Big-Screen Disasters Ever" list at #2! Come to think of it, it may even rank somewhere on my list of "Top Ten Stupidest Mistakes I Ever Made"!!

Yes, good people, that bad. Only worse!

Of Barking Dogs and Mad Men

Kaminey

Everything they're saying about the movie is spot-on. It is indeed very Tarantinoesque. Shahid Kapur has indeed worked his butt on! and into shape, totally going the six-pack way and how! (Got me slightly hot under the collar!) The Piggy Chops and Shahid lip-lock is indeed quite the scorcher and it can be labelled the first, real, true kiss of Indian cinema. (Got me slightly hot under the collar!)

Ok, I have to be honest and admit that this is not the kind of movie genre that's on my fave list, but I do enjoy them at least once, on the big-screen with friends, popcorn and cappuchino. The story is pretty much 'A Comedy of Errors' gone all wrong, but the treatment? Well, let's just say it was a flaming tequila shot up the a**! Totally bad-a**!

The first half drags a little bit, just a little, but the second half picks up the pace and runs with it...and how! Oh, and the dialogues between Sweety and Guddu's characters during the love-making scene? As corny as a double cheese pizza with extra mozzarella, parmesan and cheddar. Kinda pheko-ed paani on the hotness of that smooch!

All in all? Definitely worth a dekho! DEFINITELY! Dhan-ta-naa...

Love, Marriage and Other Modern-Day Disasters

Edited to add the bit at the end, paraphrased from my comment to Passionate Goof's post.

Last week, I saw a movie and a reality show finale that had me questioning my views on love. I thought I’d share them here and wonder aloud, and request you all to do me the honour of sharing your thoughts as well.

Ok. First, the movie. No prizes for guessing that it’s “Love Aaj Kal” that I’m talking about. I didn’t like it. There. I said it. I didn’t like it.

I won’t diss it totally; there are some things I liked about it, but only in hindsight. Like the fact that Deepika’s character, Meera, was shown to be a career-woman and that she was ambitious. And not in an evil, greedy, money-hungry way that most movies will depict career-minded women, to be. She was at a good place in her life, career-wise, and she chose that over a relationship that very possibly would have fizzled out after six months. She chose a certainty over what seemed to be a non-certainty at the time. And she wasn’t vilified for it. If anything, her choice seemed the most natural thing in the world. You know what the weird thing about this is? It’s the fact that so many blogs have talked about this very fact and hailed it to be a great step forward in the depiction of ‘real women, making real choices’ in a reel land, and yet it escaped me. That’s because her action never ever really struck me as being note-worthy or out of the ordinary. If anything, it was so natural, so RIGHT, that it didn’t make me sit and take notice. I glossed over how ground-breaking it might be. It was only later that I realised that “Wow, this is a slice of reality. Something that we are not only comfortable with, but also, something that we know to be regular and not at all extraordinary.”

It’s this practicality that’s kinda killing me though. Do love and reason go hand-in-hand? Is love supposed to be a well-thought out, logical reaction to a certain situation that presents itself before us? And if it is; if we start being logical about love from the very get-go, what prevents us from being logical right through the end? If so, then why didn’t Meera stick with the safe, secure, good-looking and madly-in-love-with-her, Rahul Khanna-character? Is it fair to ruin somebody else’s life so that you can wait for someone else to come to his senses and realise that he’s in love with you after all? Umm, what if that don’t happen, mamma? Wotchya gonna do then?

I know, I know…her arguments in defence of her actions made sense, but girl! Suck it up!! You could have done a lot worse!

I know a lot of people who agree with me. And yet, there are many who laud a Meera’s actions. They say, isn’t it better to get out once you know you don’t love a person, rather than drag on a relationship and be miserable? Ok, but what about the hurt and pain that you’re causing the other? Do you have the right to do that?

I don’t know. It all seems so confusing. I personally know of a few people who broke off engagements and relationships because they fell in love with other people or were in love with their ex-es. One of these worthies broke off his wedding twenty days before D-Day, months after all the invitation cards had been sent out and all the preparations had been made!! I mean, who does that?!?

Why am I so riled about this? Well, a little incident from my past. One of the MIM’s ex-girlfriends flew all the way from Delhi to Bombay, to convince him to change his mind, dump me and marry her! It didn’t happen (obviously!!), but what if she had managed to convince him? What would I have done? Drowned my sorrows, had indiscriminate sex with random guys, come out stronger six months later singing “I Will Survive”? Or would I have been broken, dejected and sworn-off men forever? Or would I have married the first guy who would have answered my matrimonial ad on Shaadi.com?

I left the theatre after watching ‘Love Aaj Kal’ feeling very irritated. Is this what our generation has become? Selfish to the point that we don’t care whose feelings we are trampling as long as we get what we want? Also, has marriage really become as easy as a fake orgasm…switch on and off as and when needed? Get on and off the train whenever and wherever you want…there are no scheduled stops anymore?

And our parent’s generation. Was it all so simple and pure for them? You fall in love just once and that too forever? How strategic to use Rishi and Neetu Singh as Veer and Harleen Singh, btw!! The symbol of romance and marriage gone right, direct from Bollywood !

And then of course, there’s another take on ‘love-shove’ and all that, by the tremendously loud and garish Ms. Rakhi Sawant. Say what you want about the woman, but what she did was pretty path-breaking. Centuries after this age-old, ancient Indian custom had come to a halt, Ms. Sawant chooses to revive it, and on television no less! While we all laughed, had fun, commented on the bad acting and said whatever we wanted about it being scripted and all, it doesn’t take away from the fact that what Rakhi did, was very empowering to many, many women, subjected to the torture of ‘being seen’ by guys and their families before marriage and then rejected, for not being fair enough, pretty enough, too educated, too fat, too skinny and what-not. Rakhi’s ultimate choice was a logical, practical one…the best kind to make when love ain’t sniffing at your door.

Which brings me back to my dilemma? Is love practical in today's day and age? I mean, here's what I think...I feel that the 'live on love and fresh air' variety is not only a rarity in today's world, isn't it too good to be true? Doesn't it even sound impractical? But that's not it. It's this -- marriage springs you many a googly. Painful and unexpected -- enough to shatter your heart. So I can't help but wonder, if many of us had weighed our love on a scale of practicality, would we have gone on and married our spouse nevertheless?

Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Saw this movie as soon as it was released with my two boys and we all loved it!!

For me, this is an odd feeling to have for the movie considering I didn't particularly enjoy the first two installments. And this is not the first time I've felt this way about a movie series. Like for example, 'Shrek'. The first two movies were fine, but the third was phenomenal!! But then, I guess if at first you don't succeed you keep trying until you get it right. And nowhere is that more apparent than in Hollywood...but I digress.

Right. Ice Age 3. Our frost-friendly friends, Sid the sloth, Diego the sabre-toothed tiger and Manny the woolly mammoth with his pregnant wife, Ellie are back in this crazy adventure about friendship, loyalty and the true joys of life; and those would be babies and friendship, yet again!!

Manny shows all the signs of being a father-hen as he prepares himself for fatherhood while Ellie is patience unlimited. Diego and Sid start to feel left-out from this pretty picture of happy-family-where-baby-makes-three and they start rethinking their loves. Diego wants to set off on bis own while Sid wants a family of his own. His wish comes true when he finds three dinosaur eggs which he believes to have been abandoned. Once the eggs hatch, out pops three snappy, energetic baby T-Rexes and when momma T-Rex finally finds them she is M.A.D.!! She takes her babies back along with Sid to a hidden, underground land where a few dinosaurs still exist. The gang ventures into the unknown to rescue their hapless friend, Ellie's 'brothers', Crash and Eddie, providing the perfect comic relief. Their mission is successful thanks to help from an unexpected quarter -- Buck, a one-eyed weasel possessed of a buccaneering spirit and a pirate soul. The definite show-stealer in this episode!

Of course this movie would not be complete with Scrat the squirrel, still out to save his nut. This time he encounters a female of the species who's out for the smae thing he wants as well! The tango to the finish is as enjoyable as it is hilarious!!

A great movie! The witty dialogues make it entertaining for us while the kids always love a good adventure story.

The EO's been begging me to take him again. I enjoyed it so much that you never know, maybe I might!!

But if you guys haven't seen it yet, GO! Go now!! Definitely worth the popcorn!

Harry Potter and the Half and Half

Since July 1st, I was all in a tizzy. It meant 15 more days before the release of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"...the movie. Not since I laid my hands upon the final tome have I waited for something so desperately, that a mere mention of it was like a shot of cocoa to my left aorta.

Well, last night, my tizziness was finally quelled.

And I didn't love it.

But that's not surprising really, since none of the movies have even remotely lived up to the books. And that has never stopped me from waiting breathlessly for the next installment to come out.

What left me all meh about HP-6 was that it didn't stick to much magic at all. It was more a saga about the out-of-control love hormones of a certain red-haired boy wizard. And the teenage trauma, angst and desperation of a certain Slytherin boy wizard. The life of the Chosen One was not really the center of attention here. So while testosterone and oestrogen are running amok at Hogwarts, in the background there's old Dumbly trying to collect memories in his quest to save the world.

Now while I was okay with the raging hormones, after all, there's something about the entire series that makes the corner of my heart that is perennially 17-years-old, go pitter-patter, I didn't think it needed to be so in-your-face. There was a lot more that we needed to see...definitely more than the snog fests. Such as more info about Horcruxes. And how about an explanation about the whole Half-Blood Prince reference, huh? And maybe including the first-ever meeting between the Muggle PM and the Minister for Magic? That would have been a hoot!

See, as a true and die-hardPotterhead, I knew the nuances and the back-stories and the un-shown events. But I went with three non-readers who came away more 'confunded' than ever!

I loved Emma Watson (Hermione) in the movie. Her pain as a teenage girl in love with a boy in lust with someone else came through loud and clear. It spoke to all the teenage girls who have ever sailed in that boat. Rupert Grint (Ron) was the undisputed comic relief. Daniel Radcliffe (Harry), a bit too wooden for my liking. But the ones who stole the show were Jim Broadbent (Prof. Hoace Slughorn), Hero Fiennes-Tiffin (11-year-old Tom Riddle...also Ralph 'Voldemort' Fiennes' nephew!) and Frank Dillane (16-year-old Tom Riddle). These two Tom Riddles were positively scary!! Good-looking and menacingly scary! *shudders at the memory*

I am already waiting eagerly and excitedly for the final two installments of the movie. I am praying that my love for the Harry Potter series will one day be satiated by the start of an ENTIRE TV SERIES!! Drool! Smack! Slurp!!! Ooooo...dare I hope?!?!

And I know that I will see this particular movie again. How can I not?

I will just be shaking my head in pity that they didn't have a better script-writer.

How to Get Stupid, Right

Two way overdue movie reviews:-

1) Kambakht Ishq
How do these movies even get made? Worse, why do they get passed? And why don't they come with an Idiocy Warning attached? You know, something which reads : Warning! Viewing of the following movie will reduce your IQ level by 98.5%. Be prepared to live the rest of your life as a dung beetle.
I can't believe I actually allowed a friend to talk me into the movie! It's the kind of movie where you want to shoot your brains out only so that you can have something to play with. Alas! Since I didn't have no gun, I plucked my chin hair instead! The dialogues were misogynistic, the plot as thick as the script-writer's hide, the acting repulsive, the music immemorable! The movie just offended me from scene one.
And Sly Stallone and Denise Richards? I mean really???? I mean, effing REALLY???? You guys needed a pay cheqe that bad! I actually cringed throughout their scenes...especially when Akshay Kumar touched the Sly's feet for his blessings!! I think I curled up and died right then!
Avoid! Avoid! AVOID!!! This one has chaos and disaster stamped all over it! It's three hours of your life you'll never, ever get back...

2) The Hangover
Ok...now THIS was funny!! This is the movie that got stupid right! The movie was inane and insane, from start to finish. But it worked!
The plot is one that's been done to death: guy getting married, whisked off to Las Vegas for his Bachelor Party by three varying specimens of the malehood. What happens the morning after the night before makes for some entertaining, idiotic and extremely watchable viewing!
Treat your man to this movie...you'll be guaranteed a lot of loving later on, in absolute gratitude!

And Let The Games Begin

Move over ‘The Great Indian Laughter Challenge’. A new reality, comedy show is here and it promises to be funnily dramatic and dramatically funny…"Rakhi ka Swayamvar."

And so it started. Rakhi’s search for her soul mate. On national TV.

With picturesque backdrops (a palace in Udaipur, no less!), filmi songs as well as shaadi ke sangeet making up the background score, costumes straight out of a Bollywood wedding movie, oh and not to mention the Bollywoodish dialogues, the show promises to be, what else, but entertaining.

Rakhi had clearly practiced ‘giving those shy ones’ in front of the mirror, because she had the shy-Indian-bride-to-be look down pat. The intro between her and host Ram Kapoor was so obviously scripted, that it made for absolute uneasy listening.

Each of the hopefuls (dressed either in satin shirts with contrasting suits or heavily embroidered sherwanis/kurtas) made their entrance via a limousine or horse-drawn carriage, with the title track of “Om Shanti Om” playing in the background. Each worthy swaggered up to ‘Rakhiji’ urf ‘Ma’am’ and handed over a gift with a flourish; whether a kangan from ‘aapke honewali saas’ or an intricate symbol denoting the bonds of lasting relationships or a huge pink teddy bear or painted portraits of the lead heroine in this scripted fairy-tale.

The guys took my breath away, but not in a good way! They were all court jesters trying to be princes so that they could aim for the princess’ heart. It made for painful viewing. What weren’t these guys willing to do?!? Dance like an animal, roll their eyes and make snide comments about each other, run each other down in front of the garishly made-up prize, and all in the name of winning the said prize’s hand in shaadi. And they call women catty and bitchy?

But horror, aghastment and absolute entertainment value aside, why do the producers expect this show to do well? Simple…because cynical as we are, we are still romantics at heart.

Fed on tales of happily-ever afters and princesses garlanding a handsome prince from amongst a sabhaghar full of hopefuls, a certain ideal of love-choice-marigolds-and-gold is encoded into our very dreamy, desi DNA.

Remember the success of ‘Hum Aaapke Hain Koun?’, also known as ‘Two Weddings, a Funeral and Fourteen Songs’? The garish wedding finery, the shaadi ke rasme, the chup-chup ke pyar karma and the ‘maine aapko apni jeevan saathi maan liya’ type dialogues...oh! we were flabbergasted and begging for more…and Bollywood was only too happy to oblige. Wedding extravaganza after extravaganza followed, each Bollywood shaadi more elaborate than the last. Whether it was the triple shaadi in ‘Hum Saath Saath Hain’ or the runaway bride act in ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’ or the second-time happy in ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hain’, we did lap them up.

Then, take a look at our TV serials. There’s an average of a wedding a fortnight per story. That’s a lot of haldi, chandan and kumkum, isn’t it? No wonder the wedding industry is thriving and flourishing in our country. Whether real or reel, weddings provide mucho moolah for all the other businesses associated with it, such as the floral, jewellery and bridal wear industries.

But back to our dear Rakhiji? Will she find the man of her dreams in this badly-scripted pot-boiler? Only a true-blue romance-junkie and wedding addict can hope so.

Meanwhile, I think I’ll place my bets on the Canadian guy…

The One in Which I Bay Like a Wolf

Saw "X-Men Origins -- Wolverine".

What else can I say but, "Aaaaawwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!"
Hugh Jackman AND Ryan Reynolds!!! I'm one happy, salivating chicca!

Some Angels and a Few Demons

I'm a Dan Brown fan. I loved "The DaVinci Code", loved "Angels & Demons" even more. So yes, I was eagerly awaiting the movies. Both times round. Even though I am an absolute book-worm and have always found that movies based on books generally land up in the dusty towns of Suckville (the only exception to the rule being "The Devil Wears Prada").

Yes, I was very, majorly disappointed with "The DaVinci Code" movie. Not thrilling enough and it moved at a snail's pace. A snail using a crutch. A broken crutch.

"Angels & Demons" did not disappoint. Of course it still wasn't a patch on the book, but we left the theatre agreeing that we had indeed been the beneficiaries of getting one's money's worth.

The movie basically takes off from near the end of the book. Major, and I mean major portions of the book have been snipped. Characters have been dropped. And there was quite the change in the Assassin's character as well. I guess in today's global, political climate, sticking to the 'original' character of the Assassin might have stirred up more controversy than originally intended.

In the movie, the Vatican is reeling under a double shock, the death of the beloved Pope and a deadly threat from an underground, secret society relegated to the pages of historical myth (or so they believed) -- the Illuminati. With a vial of anti-matter, strong enough to blast the whole of Vatical City into oblivion, gone missing from CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) and the four preferiti (cardinals favoured to be next-in-line for Pope) kidnapped by a crazed killer, time is running out for Harvard symbologist Prof. Robert Lagdon and Italian physicist, Vittoria Ventra to try and stop the Illuminati's plan from succeeding.

A gripping thriller. An all-out entertainer.

In other words, a must watch.

Deux Films Francais

La Vie en Rose/La Mome
Have you ever heard of an actor/actress oriented movie? Well, if ever there was one, "La Vie en Rose" (also known as "La Mome") is it. This is Marion Cotillard's movie through and through. I haven't seen any of her other movies, but if she puts in even 25% of what she put in here, then she is a stellar performer. One of today's best and brightest. She sooooooo deservedly won the Oscar in for Best Actress in 2007.

The movie is a biopic of one of France's most well-known and popular singers, Edith Piaf. She literally rose from the gutters to International stardom, encountering love, loss, addiction and illness along the way. But no matter what challenges she faced; no matter what curveballs Life threw her way; no matter how much she had to lose, there was always one thing that was her very own and which lifted her from rock-bottom nadirs to star-shining zeniths...her voice.

I recommend this movie for one reason and one reason alone -- Marion Cotillard.
What an actress! Phew! What an actress!

La Tourneuse de Pages
The best movie about revenge I've seen in a long time.

Melanie Prouvost is an exceptionally gifted piano player, so dediacted and single-minded in her pursuit for perfection it's almost manic and that makes her seem like she's devoid of human emotion. Her hopes for getting into the Conservatoire to become a concert pianist are dashed by the actions of a thoughtless, self-absorbed judge, celebrated concert pianist, Ariane Fouchecourt. Devasted, Melanie gives up playing the piano.
Ten years later, we find that Melanie is studying law and she finds herself a job as a summer- intern in a rich lawyer's office. Now, this lawyer needs a nanny/governess for his son while he is away on business. Melanie offers her sservices. Surprise, surprise when we find that the lawyer in none other that Ariane Fouchecourt's husband.
How Melanie wins Ariane's trust to become her page-turner and how she destroys the older woman's career and life is what makes up the rest of this movie.

Gripping, intense and riveting, I sat in my chair stupefied for long moments even after the movie got over, just letting the chillingly beautiful music mess around my brain.

The Lives of Others

My favourite video rental place is closing shop. It's called 'Cinema Paradiso' (incidentally, one of my all time favourite movies) and they have a fantastic collection of world cinema. Truth be told, I didn't go very often since it's not exactly near my house. But the moment I got the letter saying that they'd be winding up operations in a month, I high-tailed it over there to pick and choose some movies that I've been wanting to see for ages.

"The Lives of Others". Every once in a whiloe, you will be given a rare opportunity that makes you understand why a movie is made in the first place. It reinforces your faith in the absolute power of storytelling. It draws you in with masterful performances. It touches a chord deep within, waking you up and taking you on a drive to a place you never knew existed.

"The Lives of Others" is one such movie.

Set in 1984 East Berlin, the movie is shown through the eyes of a Stasi officer, Hauptmann Gerd Weisler. His belief in the system is unshakeable. He is cold, impersonal and almost menacing. He comes across as a man totally devoid of any human feelings and whatever passion he has, it is for his work, the State, the ideals of Socialism. He is instructed to put an highly-acclaimed and popular author, Georg Dreymann and his actress-partner, Christa-Maria Spielman under video surveillance.
How he becomes drawn to them and entwined in their lives; how his belief in the very system that was his life's purpose is shaken to the core; how he works silently within the system to help the very suspects that he is supposed to turn in and how he becomes an unsung, silent hero with a sense of compassion and courage greater than we've ever seen before, makes up this brilliantly made movie.
A superb performance by Ulrich Muke as the Stasi officer had me giving him a standing ovation in my living room. That a man can act just using his eyes and as little verbal communication as possible, has been supebly demonstrted by Muhe in "The Lives of Others". Did this man win any awards? He certainly deserved to!

A fascinating story, beautifully told, it is now on my "Top Ten" list.

Oh, and a small 'yay!' factor as well, I understood a few bits and pieces of the German dialogues in the movie on my own. Looks like those two years weren't a waste after all! Sehr gut!

WTF?!?

Sorry gentle friends, for that rather loud title, but I just saw two movies over the weekend and that is the reaction I was left with after each.

The First WTF?!?. A Bengali movie called 'Antaheen'. After ages, and I do mean effing-light-years, I saw a Bengali movie that was near perfect. On so many levels. Such an impressive line-up of actors and they were all absolutely spot-on. Rahul Bose, who is on my yummy list, breathed the character as did newcomer Radhika Apte, Sharmila Tagore and the delightful surprise package of husband-wife duo, Aparna Sen and Kalyan Ray. The characters were believable, we know people like them in our lives. The music...aah the music! Finally, after the good ol' black-n-white era of Bangla music magic, I wanted to buy the OST, and I wanted to do it immediately, like right after the movie ended. Bravo, Shantanu Moitra...I can understand if you ever win the National Award for Best Music Director for a creative, musical work of art like this, rather than the shamelessly plagiarised 'Pal, pal, pal, pal' from 'Lage Raho Munna Bhai'. The cinematography was astonishingly slick. I mean, I have never seen Calcutta look so beautiful, so warm and welcoming, so ethereal.
As for the sory line, it was sweet, simple and drew us in. I felt like a character in the story, standing on the fringes, waiting, watching, observing...patiently wanting to play my part. In a line, I can say that it's about 'loves and longings in Calcutta'. This is director Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury's second venture. His first offering was the beautifully crafted 'Anuranan'. There were just two big faults in that movie...Rituparna Sengupta and the end. Here, while he scores a 10/10 for casting, he did it again...he screwed up the end again...big time and in the exact same way he ruined his first movie. When 'what happened' happened, our jaws dropped and we froze for innumerable minutes. The movie theatre clouded over with the collective, disappointed disbelief of the spectators. The WHF?!?!'s were almost palpable and audible. If Mr. Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury makes another movie again, and he most definitely should, I would humbly request him to change the ending from what-is-obviously his standard delight. Please make more movies, truckloads of them in fact. Just, don't do an 'Aniruddha' to the ending. Spare our feelings!

The Second WTF?!?. A movie known famously as 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'. Angry mobs are going to come after me for saying the things that I'm about to, but I'll be brave and do it anyways. So *gulp*, here goes...I am not a Brad Pitt fan *ducks for cover and waits for the hullabaloo to subside*. Ok, now that the outrage, disbelief, irate tirades and teeth gnashing have stopped, do let me add that after seeing this movie, I can get why the general female and gay population lurve him so. For those two-and-a-half hours, I nearly did too.
People, what a beautifully told story of a tale that could be written in one line -- the story of the life of a man born old and who ages backwards. That's it. That is the story. But what vision the screenplay writer and director have to draw this out into a gripping, moving, visually appealing and stunning work of cinematic genius.
Right. So what exactly were my WTF?!? moments, I hear you ask. Well, they weren't 'moments' so much as wonderings and the 'W' isn't so much as 'What', but rather 'Why'. Will someone please explain to me how and Why-TF Cate Blanchett was not at least nominated for an Oscar? I haven't seen Kate Winslet in 'The Reader' yet and I'm sure she was great in it, so maybe CB's portrayal as Daisy wasn't Oscar-win-worthy, but it was definitely Oscar-nomination-worthy. I mean, nobody can stop talking about Brad Pitt's portrayal 'through the ages', so to speak. Well, CB more than matched up to him, I feel. The second Why-TF wondering is that this lost to Slumdog Millionaire? I mean seriously? Okay, give Danny Boyle the Oscar, yeah sure, I get it. But Best Picture as well? Another Academy decision I'll never understand.

Slumdog Millionaire

This one is going to sweep the Oscars. Undoubtedly! Technically brilliant, fast-paced, action-packed, never a dull moment and a fantastic soundtrack! And those kids! Where did they find them? Their performances were beyond startling! They can act the expensive pants off India's best and brightest any day!

And yet, I came out of the movie shaking with anger. I'm sorry, and I know many of you will not agree with me, but this movie definitely shows India in a poor light (yes, use the word both ways). This movie was made for the Western audiences and Western audiences only. They will lap up something like this...the crowds, the cheats, the poverty, the dirt, flies, shit, sewers, slums, torture, cruelty...oh, I could go on! The movie doesn't portray anything about our country in a positive manner. NOTHING! Even the shot of the Taj Mahal, one of the most beautiful and romantic architectural structures in the world, is not spared. The angle of the shot shows a half-dried and stinky, dirty Yamuna struggling by. WTF?!?

Reality. That is what this movie touts. Hmph! And I'm not going to raise a trivial point like 'KBC not being live' and nitpick. I do believe in poetic licence and creative stretch-of-the-imagination. But what makes me sad is that this is the only kind of 'reality' that the West will believe of us. Why is it that a 'Mother India', a 'Salaam Bombay', now a 'Slumdog Millionaire', (and yes, I'll admit it even though it's one of my fave movies by my most favouritest director in the world), a 'Pather Panchali' win rave reviews abroad. Why did three out of the above mentioned four, get a nod at the Oscars? What was so unworthy of 'Taare Zameen Par'? Didn't that portray a slice of reality too? For that matter, I found 'Fashion' to be utterly believable and realistic as well.

Once it was the perception of royally decked elephants, dancing girls with flowers in their hair and knowledgeable of all the 64 arts of the Kamasutra and half-naked fakirs with mystical, mythical powers that the West believed to be our reality. Stereotypical! And now, its dirt, dust and the dirty that they believe to be uniquely ours. Outrageously stereotypical!

And so pathetic.

A Lot of McQueen and a little Bit of Murphy

I was watching the YO's current flavour-of-the-moment movie with him last night, again. I saw it today, briefly, again. And I dare say I'll be watching it with him tomorrow, again. And I don't mind, really. The movie? "CARS". I love it, I do. I have lovely associations with that movie, because it's the first movie we took the EO to see on the big screen, the silver screen, in the movie theatre, at a cinema hall...you know what I mean. No matter how many times I write it, or how many different ways I phrase it, I can never capture the excitement or recreate the magic of that 'first time'. It was a few weeks after his third birthday and I thought he was 'big enough' for a movie treat. It was like we had entered some kind of magic fantasy land with him. A TV screen so big?! A cartoon about cars, his most favouritest, belovedest, did I say favouritest (?) things in the whole wide universe and all of creation put together?! And other people his size?! And junk food at ten in the morning?!? It had to be some kind of wonderful, crazy, bizarre alternate galaxy and he couldn't get enough of it. The MIM and were much more interested in his expressions and feelings and we pretty much had our eyes glued to his face, our ears tuned to his glee. He was entranced, we were enraptured! Of course there were countless questions, a few trips to the bathroom and a period of restlessness when the action was slow, but all in all, the experience was unforgettable...for me. He obviously doesn't remember much of it and he's become quite the pro at the cine-going experience, but for me, that first time was definitely something else altogether. I'm now looking forward to taking the YO on his first trip to the movie hall. I know it's going to be equally special and as unforgettable...for me.

The movie was also the theme for the EO's fourth birthday party. The colours were red and yellow, the cake was in the shape of Lightning McQueen, we had hired an electric car and a very kiddy car-merry-go-round. We had even installed a big screen and put the movie on for other 'Cars' buffs like my EO and boy, were there many!

The other reason I love 'CARS' so much is because it has Paul Newman and I thought he was simply superb as a crust old race car incognito. Owen Wilson was brilliant too as 'Lightning McQueen', or 'Liniiinng Makeen' as the YO says, about 157 times a day. McQueen is this hot-shot rookie race car, gunning to win the Grand Prix of PIXAR animation-land's racing event of the year, the Piston Cup. Full of bullshit and arrogance, he's a bucket of bolts running on four wheels of over-confidence, with loads to spare. The movie is about how, by a quirk of fate, he lands up in a sleepy town called Radiator Springs, and how he has a change of heart and turns from being a cocky, wise-ass rookie to a race-car that has only love revving up his engines. Guaranteed to bring a lump to your throat and if you're a softie like me, well then, a couple of tears to both eyes as well. Yes, there's no doubt about it, it's my all-time favourite, feel-good movie through the year.

And what's great about it, is that it only has a positive message in it for kids. There's no slice of reality here for kids to deal with; young foals don't lose their mothers to hunters; wicked step-moms aren't trying to do away with beautiful step-daughters and mommy fishes aren't eaten up whole by mean sharks while baby fishes with bad fins are stolen from their daddy fishes. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, LOVE animation flicks, but sometimes they tend to get a bit too realistic for my liking.

But, as I said it before and I'm saying it again, the Linniing Makeen is one heckuva hot-rod.
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And hey, Mr. Murphy, I've got a question for you...

Why is it that kids seem cuter, way cuddlier, more huggable and are tons more affectionate when you're too sick and therefore not supposed to be touching them?

One, A Jumbo Treat; Two, A Wild Escape

Yes, I am obviously talking about the latest animation flicks that hit theatres quite some time back.

What can I say? 'Jumbo' was a huge hit with the kids and me too! The plot was interesting and had my EO, the Nephew and a niece riveted right from the beginning. From the cute and lovable antics of the little Jumbo and Sonya right up to the point where Jumbo proves himself worthy of his true name, 'Jaiveer', who avenges his father's death on the battle-field and helps the King of Shaktinagar win its Independence, you'll find it hard not to be entranced. A great film,that was just the right length and had a gripping story line.

Finally saw 'Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa'. Liked it, but it wasn't really a movie for 5 year-olds. The EO and Nephew say they enjoyed it, but the humour definitely went over their heads...it was more for the adults to get the jokes. The kids just had a laugh with the mad-cap adventures of the friendly four and of course that crazy coot, King Louis. The penguins were as violent as ever, not to mention the old lady who kicks serious lion-butt...did not at ALL enjoy the portions where she was featured. It reminded me of 'Shrek 3', a movie that I found hilarious, but the humour just wasn't aimed at the very young audience.

So my verdict? If you have small kids of the EO variety, take them to see 'Jumbo' and for the children of 9/10+ (and of course the child in you), go for 'Madagascar 2'.

What the hell? Take your five-year-old along if s/he 'likes to move it, move it' and let them boogie it out in their seats. The memory of that sight will be so worth it!

I Feel Woozy...

I think the MIM and I went out for a movie last night.
I think another couple was there.
I think the movie was 'Australia'.
I think there was cheese popcorn invloved.
I think it was good. Yes, the movie too.
I think it was a teeny-tiny tad too long, epic movie notwithstanding.

I KNOW I am jealous of a certain Ms. Deborra Lee-Furness.
I SOOOOOOO KNOW why Hugh Jackman is the sexiest man alive.

Hugh, baby, you can drove me into Faraway Whereever-the-hell-you'll-have-me whenever you want!!

Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?

'Roadside Romeo'. So obviously a Hindi movie, beacuse

~duh! The characters speak in Hindi. Granted, there's a Tamilindi speaking villain, Mumbaiya spouting side-kicks and Saifindi speaking hero, but we are to believe that it is, all said and done, a Hindi animated feature.

~ the female dogs are statuesque, busty, slim-waisted and size-zero. Those bitches! ;p

~the lead pair is the 'hottest' couple in the business today...Saifeena. Or wait, is that just one hybrid sample?

~the "villain" totally kicks the "hero's" mangy butt...performance-wise. Charile Anna, you are not jesta too mucha...you war ya three-ah, four-ah, five,-ah tauzand mucha. I yam yur fan. Be happy, chappie! Yes folks, it needs to be said, Javed Jaffrey ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!! He is the undisputed Komedy Cing in India!

~the pj's are ridiculous but you can't help laughing! Charlie's Angels! Hahaha! I tell you! *she wipes a tear from her eye*

~there are industry jokes meant for the adults even though it's a kid's flick.

~the song and prance bits incorporate a dream sequence, an item number, a tapori act and the don's dance. Typical!

~it was full-on fun and a riot and total paisa-vasool.