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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Nightmare in London

"London Dreams." A misnomer if ever there was one. I mean, dreams are supposed to be pleasant, right? Well, this one soooooo wasn't! We actually saw this with friends last Friday and I'm still waking up shrieking as bits and pieces, feviquiked to my inner mind, suddenly pop out to haunt me!

That it was bad, you can probably get from my opening para, but just how wishing-for-a-migraine-attack-so-that-my-head-is-pleasantly-occupied bad, you can't even begin to fathom. Not even in your wildest nightmare, err, dream!

What made it so god-awful, well, 'let me count the ways'.
  1. For starters, Ajay Devgn (no, that's not a typo, that's how he spells it now). Now don't get me wrong, I have no major issues with the guy. In fact, thanks to his portrayal of Bhagat Singh, I quite like the guy. But for some crazy reason, he's begun to think that he can pull off comedy. Yo! Jay! I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you can't! Not that this movie was a comedy, but I needed to get that out of the way.
    Here's the thing though, if you've been noticing his last few movies, it almost looks as if he's trying to reclaim his lost youth. This has to be said...Jay, you were too old for this movie. This role deserved a younger actor, and you, my friend, were so not it!
  2. Which brings me to fogey #2, Salman Khan. Where do I begin? Yikes!! Crass, crude, ridiculous and, and..errrr...oh yes -- OLD!!
    What were the makers of this film thinking when they were handing out the parts? Yes, of course there was the mandatory shirt-taking-off scene and his body still looks pretty darned good, but the rest of the package? Bloated! Been hitting the bottle, my friend?
    I mean, come on, if you're gonna plan a "Rock On!" type of movie, at least get your band of brothers right!
  3. Which in turn brings me to it being a pale, sad, pathetic shadow of "Rock On!" They tried so hard to copy from perfection and instead ended up massacring it, like a botched-up boob-job.
  4. I mean, they even had a Farhan Akhtar look-a-like, frizzy hair and all. Now he was cute and all, and had I still been in school uniform I would have totally kissed his poster and all that, but baby-doll, a Farhan Akhtar you ain't!
  5. The weaker-than-my-grandma's-punch story-line. Let's not even go there. It was the hastily done patch-up job to cover up the botched-up boob-job.
  6. Asin. She's pretty. Pretty dumb. And that's how she came across. And Lolita-like relationships just make me really uncomfortable. I get all squeamish when they are forcefully inflicted upon me. And the recent Bollywood trend of pairing these uncle types with a fresh pair of boobs is really nauseating. You have Sanju baba (who should really be rechristened Sanju dadu) rolling around in the sand with a clearly desperate-for-any-role Lara Dutta in the recently made 'Blue', and in this movie you have AD and SK lusting after Asin. What's the matter guys? Overdoing the testosterone shots? Not getting any at home? Well whatever the reason, stop pawing these toddlers in mini-skirts! It's ugly!
  7. And what's with the whipping?!?!?!?! DUDE!!!! I mean, seriously!! I mean WTF!! I mean DUDE!!!!!! That was soooooo a bad lift from "The DaVinci Code"! And it was so, so, soooo...DUDE!!!

You know, I can go on. But I don't want to nit-pick, because I can really go on forever!

This movie ranks on my "Top Ten Worst Big-Screen Disasters Ever" list at #2! Come to think of it, it may even rank somewhere on my list of "Top Ten Stupidest Mistakes I Ever Made"!!

Yes, good people, that bad. Only worse!


16 comments:

Lavs said...

ha ha ha ha..i just could not stop laughing....

i think we must punish these directors by making them watch their own movies again and again..lock them in theatres and not let them out!!!

Passionate Goof said...

And the promos go on about what a great movie it is. Uffff!! We really need to retire all these 40+ heroes into the senior actors category now. REALLY!!

Sunshine said...

im so glad someone agrees with me! long time lurker...had to comment on this post...that movie really was a terrible terrible mistake!!

love reading about the YO & EO and you've got amazing talent when it comes to writing! :)

Annie said...

hahahaahahahaa...

You my friend are effing awesome at Bollywood reviews ...

awesome!!

Annie said...

I wonder how exactly would you react if one was to make you watch a Lollywood one :D

aaah. How awesome that review would be.

wordjunkie said...

LOL! ajay and salman as rock stars..yikes!! And yes, Asin is the human equivalent of dragging your nails down a blackboard.

Poppy said...

What a funny review -seriously am glad they made this movie and you watched it coz we now have a LOL review :)

Sparkling said...

Wow! Sounds like one helluva movie! :p Almost can't get over the simile's ...lol!

Almost akin to a self torture cell, hai na? :D

Agree on everything but I still think Aditya is kinda cute :)

Monika,Ansh said...

Lol......funny review M4.Glad I was away & spared the torment.

indianhomemaker said...

Loved this review!

I am definitely not going to watch this movie. I also find these 'uncle types' rolling in the sand with these 'toddlers in mini-skirts' nauseating.

WhatsInAName said...

What a rofl review. Ekdum dil se sorts. I am sure not to go for it anyway. No attraction. And yes both the heroes look far too old for their roles.

Mama - Mia said...

whow whow whow!!!! they upset you real bad, didnt they?

just seeing these two guys as rick stars had me laughing and weeping at the same time! i mean whats with them anywayz?!

but hey we got some great laughs outta your review!!

cheers!

abha

Kakali said...

Long time silent reader.
your review was the funniest thing I have read in a while..
Ajay & Salman may not rock, but you do :)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

@ Lavs: I'm glad you laughed...I'm still weeping :p

@ PG: Never trust promos! This is a lesson we need to pass on to our kids early in life!

@ Sunshine: Yaay! I'm not the only one! ANd thank you Sunshine, for your kind words :)

@ Annie: Glad you like them my friend! Will someone pay me to watch the Lollywood types? I've given up un Tollywood ages ago!

@ WJ: *covers her ears and goes -- Aieeeeeeee!!, but agrees with her ears still hurting*

@ Poppy: Aaah! A true friend! One who is happy about my misery ;p

@ Sparkling: I watched the whole thing! If that's not asochistic then what is?

@ Mon,An: Yup! Count your lucky stars!

@ IHM: Someone should tell these uncles how uncool, unsexy and plain old ridiculous they look!

@ WIAN: I really don't know what we were thinking :(

@ Namesake: Glad you got the laughs...I only got the shivers!

@ Kakali: Thank you...for coming here and for commenting :)

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Shachi said...

LMAO - thank you for this wonderful review :) - I will not make the stupid mistake of watching this movie....hubby was trying to convince me over the weekend to go watch this one and I'm so glad I read this post today :)