The Fat-Busting Diaies: Days 3 and 4

Wednesday morning, I had my 3rd session at the slimming centre.

By now, familiar with the "go to toilet" and then weigh myself routine, I did that and waited for them to compare my previous recordings and tick me off for gaining a quarter of a quarter kilo, but hallelujah, I had actually managed to maintain it since Friday's reading. Well, considering this weekend I was rather sinless compared to my usual weekends and that I only ate grapefruit for dinner, I wasn't too surprised. But I was worried about the sausages I'd had on Tuesday morning for breakfast. You never know what attacks you when, where and how. And since my thighs are prone to expanding at the mere aroma of pepperoni pizza and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, I had every right to cross my fingers and be worried.

I had a small session with the physiotherapist, where he asked my to show off my amazing flexibility and astounding suppleness. I had to sit with my legs stretched out in front of me and touch my toes. Then he asked me to stretch beyond toe and foot area, which I did, my mountainous mound of abdominal fat notwithstanding. Hoping for some praise and because I have serious self-esteem issues, I actually asked him if I did well. Like an over-zealous school teacher he actually said that I could do better! Yeah, I know! I probably could if I didn't have a built-in insulation plant where my tummy should be! When he asked me it I was doing the all the 'physiotherapy' he had given me, I lied through my fat ass and said 'Yes'! And yes, the guilt-trip kicked in almost immediately!

Day 3 was a thermoslim session. Nurse Strong-Arms was in an exceptionally chatty mood. She's quite nice actually, but she went rather ballistic when it came time to 'knead' my stomach like fatty dough. She saw me wincing and acknowledged the fact that she was being rather 'rough'. Oh phew! And here I was thinking that maybe was just charged with too much caffeine or an early morning meal of maacher-jhol-aar-bhaat or something! After the ironing, the kneading and pounding (oops! I mean massaging of course!), it was time to cast my stomach in paste (oops, now I mean slap on a coat of tummy pack!). And in that darkened room, while the goop on my stomach hardened, I took a 'beauty nap'...literally!

I woke up just seconds before Nurse Strong-Arms appeared and peeled the paste off in one swift motion. I am so, SO thankful I don't have a hairy stomach!

After the pee-pee and weigh-weigh routine, where it was gleefully noted by Sunny Chica that I had lost 200 gms after the session, I was taken for the personal body-sauna session. Wrapped in cling film, a loofah-like towel and the heating pad, I sweat it out and watched TV for a while.

After the third and final round of loo-and-weighing-machine, the Sunny Chica sat me down and gave me a detailed diet chart. She was far too sunny for my liking. In fact, she had gone quite beyond 'sunny' and had entered 'bubbly'. Bubbly like a thoroughly shaken soda bottle with too much fizz and no point. I argued with her and she sweetly asked me what my problem was in following the chart. I told her what I dad been feeling since session 1, that if I had wanted their type of 'diet' regimen I would have gone with the Atkin's or the South Zone or the Ford diet plans. She tried to calm me down and I just nodded and pretended to give in, because I wasn't in the mood to argue. As I folded the diet plan and put it away, she asked me to bring glasses and bowl capable of holding a certain amount of liquid and food. I thought of the YO's milk bottle and seriously contemplated stuffing that next to my tracks and T-shirt for the next day's session.

I left feeling disappointed and lighter. It was time to go home and stuff my face. Which I did.

With four different types of fruit. That should give Sunny Chica something to munch on!!

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Friday was session #4 and this time it was a weight-loss session.

I was asked to hand over my Diet Diary, which I did so, rather reluctantly, I must admit. I was dreading the remarks. Geez, these sessions were starting to feel more and more like school.

It was noted that I had gained 600 gms. I felt like the chubby child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. I seriously do not recommend these sessions for the easily-embarrassed!

I reconnected, literally, with my old friend the Ther-Ther and we were all a-buzz for the next one-and-a-half-hours or so. I was watching a lovely naach-gaanaa programme on TV when somebody else came in for her Ther-Ther session. Not being in a particularly charitable mood, I didn't even offer her the remote. But she seemed to be enjoying my choice so luckily that didn't turn into an awkward session.

After the mandatory trip to the loo and the weight-taking session, I was sent back home with my diary, a cheery wave and a "See you on Monday!"

I waved back, grabbed my diary and walked out reading it. There were actually tick marks next to my good food choices and circles around the wrong ones! Did I mention before that it felt like school?

"See you on Monday," they said.

Yeah, I'll be waiting with bated breath!!