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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Last year,

this day, was an ordinary enough day. The Bro was a-visiting and due back in the States a week later. The boys and I were staying with my parents and the MIM was over; we were going out for a movie. He wanted my parents and brother to join us. MaaJanoni decided to stay back with her sleeping grandchildren while the Bro, the MIM and I headed out for what would be the last ever movie we would ever see with DaddyDearest. Incidentally, the movie we went to see, was 'Paa'.
Yes. Last year, on this day, my beloved baba was still alive.

I love winter. I love winter in general, I love winter in New York, I especially love winter in Kolkata. That also means that I am a big fan of December.
This year, not so much.
This year, December brings back memories of DaddyDearest and his jaundice, DaddyDearest and his never-ending tests and scans, DaddyDearest and his first stint at the hospital, DaddyDearest and the tumor.
This year, December brings back memories of the January that followed last year's December.

There is a huge part of me that can't wait for this year to get over. That one month, and especially that one day in that one month, ruined 2010 for me forever. Yes, there have been many blessings and things to be grateful for as well. But first and foremost, 2010 will always be to me, the year I lost my father. My DaddyDearest. My beloved baba.

But here's the strange part. In a crazy, twisted and weird way, I don't want this December to end.
It's because I can still feel my dad's presence in my life, as if he's hovering over me, watching me, protecting me, loving me.
It's because I can say, "Last year, my dad was still alive."

Six weeks later, I won't be able to say that anymore. And my father will seem so far away. Really, really far away.

And I'm just not ready for that.


Anonymous said...

hi, i agree parting is painful.. but try to accept the fact and recover soon otherwise it is going to affect your health.. Saw you post in (Links India Likes). Take Care.

dipali said...

Let him live forever in your memories,my dear.
How I wish I could erase those painful images of the last few months of my parents' lives. Today was a particularly bad day to remember for me:(
And yet, we have to go on......
Slowly, painfully, all wounds have to heal. We'll live with the scars and the vacuums. We have to.

chandni said...


bukvorm said...

hugs, di. I know what you mean, like Dipali said, I wish I could erase those painful images too. But all I can do is try and move on..

mohit said...

An enjoyable read Chanakya's Chant by Ashwin Sanghi. loved the way it balances two completely different storylines. I particularly liked the one written 2300 years ago.