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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Love Fights

Often I worry about the kind of relationship the Man I Married and I will share with our boys when they grow up. Based on our own ties with our parents.

The MIM and his dad are crazy about each other, absolutely, totally, no-bones-about-it crazy. Yet the verbal duels they have make the foundations of the entire apartment building quiver and shake, and the whole household cringe!

Maa-Janoni and I share, what can be termed as, a difficult relationship. We fight, say mean things, she often sends me on guilt-trips to the Land of Shame (yes! even at this age) and we stop speaking to each other, which just ends up prolonging my stay at above-mentioned Land. And yet, when it comes to parents, I have often said, that Daddy Dearest is my weakness while Maa-Janoni is my strength! Go figure!

And the MIM and I have brought these two distinct war styles into our marriage as well. He has a sharp, double-sided razor-edged, acid coated tongue while I have a map for the Land of Shame and an endless supply of one-way tickets with his name on them.

Why do these things have to be so difficult! Why can't it start and stop with loving each other and accepting each other warts, snorts, faults, snores, disgusting habits and all? I have often found that we are so forgiving of our friends...why not with our parents and spouse?

And when our children grow up, what earthquakes and heartaches can I expect then? A mother's soul is always forgiving, they say. Yet, sometimes when I reflect upon my own bad behaviour, the Bro's or the MIM's, I worry. When I see the stubbornness and uncompromising will of the Parents (my two, his two!), I shudder.

My boys are growing up. And along with all the joys come the fears as well.


Fictional Desi said...

thought provocative (and in some way moving) posti think we tend to say the meanest things to people we love most (well to people we hate as well, but you know what i mean..)because they're there and they've seen us warts and all and love us and live with us (nd we with them). so its a trust thing as well i think..

Preeti Sharma said...

Lovely post. Well history does not need to repeat itself. We each get a chance to create our own relationships with people around us. It's tricky with children, what we can get away with when they are young will probably get us into serious trouble if repeated when they grow up!!

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Dear FD,

Welcome and thank you for coming and commenting! I thrive on feedback, so every little word, phrase and even plain ol' smilies are much appreciated. And you're right you know...we take the liberty of hurting those who we know will love us inspite of and regardless. I just somehow can't help wondering though, how much is enough? Every person, I'm sure, has a big box where these hurts and insults keep adding up,right? The size of the box varies, I guess, or maybe there's a hole at the bottom...

Preeti my friend! Where have you been! God to 'see' again darling! Yes, I already find myself practicing restraint when dealing with the EO, but so often I prefer giving him the silent treatment, rather than a whack, because it ends up hurting me more than him! However, the silent treatment is the first stop to the Land of Shame, so that worries me. I guess we figure these things out as we go along and pray like crazy that we don't mess up!

Still thinking said...

'I have often found that we are so forgiving of our friends...why not with our parents and spouse?'

When you have the answer please do post it as well, coz I'll really like to know.

Nice read as always.

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Dear Still,

I wish I knew, but here's what I think...

Maybe it's the fear of losing the friends that makes us hold back a little. We don't risk going over the edge, because we don't know what that fianl straw will be that pushes them away for good. Whereas with a spouse and a's the good ol' take 'em for granted scenario all over again. No matter what you say or do, your mum will always be your mum and no marital relationship is so fragile that it will dissolve into a divorce at the first signs of a lean and mean blow-out.

Mama - Mia said...


que sera sera!