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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Words that begin with D...

Dear DaddyDearest,

Devastated.
Depressed.
Doomed.
Desultory.
Despondent.
Dejected.
Disheartened.

Dead. So very DEAD inside.

This is how I'm feeling, my darling, DaddyDearest, without you here. We've entered a new month...the first without you here. So many of such painful firsts. It was my birthday on the 27th...the first without you here and I can safely say the WORST ever. The Bro is here and this was the first time you weren't there to pick him up. So many people you loved and haven't seen in years came over to the house for you...and for the first time ever, you were not there.

They say it gets easier, but right now it seems tougher. Unbearable. Every second of every day, my heart explodes anew.

Daddy. My favourite 'D' word. I miss you so. More than you ever thought possible.

Love forever and ever and ever,
Your devoted daugther

10 comments:

R's Mom said...

M4, May God be with you and I am sure your Daddy up there must be looking down and smiling and wishing you the very best in life...Hugs

Sparkling said...

(( Hugs ))
I don't know what to say and I know you'll never stop missing him, NEVER (even after 2 decades, I still can't stop thinking of my Pa) but along the way, you remember the good times when he was there with you and it starts hurting less when you have those thoughts.

Take care, M4.

Piper .. said...

I can so relate to what you`re going through. After nearly 10 months now, there continues to be so many 'first times' without Dad.. I know it`ll never get better/easier/happier. But I hope that somewhere down the line, I can remember him with joy instead of pain. And I pray the same for you too. Hugs.

The Ketchup Girl said...

:(

Poppins said...

Oh dear. Hugs.

Don't know what to say :( Wish there was something that would make you feel better.

Rohini said...

Hugs again :(

Swaram said...

Delurking here .. hugs and God be with u all!

indianhomemaker said...

I can relate to this... Hugs M4. I couldn't bring myself to say 'was' for my dad for many, many months... He loved meeting people and I wished he could see how many people came to see him one last time...
There's so much of him in you and your children - you will remember what he used to say, what he laughed about one day, without bursting into tears. Till then, may God give you the strength to bear the pain. Hugs again.

R said...

hey,

just happened to drop by your blog...sorry to read about your dad...my condolences to you and the family

i lost my dad last year...april 2009 and i know exactly what you feel...i even did a post on it...it just might give you some comfort in reading this...
http://oftalesuntold.wordpress.com/2009/04/26/daddys-little-girl/

all that i can tell you is that you slowly learn to live with it...you slowly learn to accept it as a way of life...

till very recently i couldnt remember any happy times i had with him...all that i remembered was the last time i saw him before we finally let him go...but now as time passes, i often feel i can see him around...just smiling at me and giving me the strength to move on...

time doesn't heal...it just teaches us to be strong...to accept the inevitable and to move on with life...

i pray for your strength...for your family and all your loved ones...lots of love and hugs

Sue said...

Hugs. Cuddle his grandsons. That helps Vicky.