I have to share this with you all. Actually, I needed to record this for myself too, for posterity, for times when I'm old and grey and sitting in a cafe in Paris reading through my precious memories. But yes, to share with you too and I only hope that I can do this visual delight justice, it needs a photograph.
I don't have a writing desk. I sit on the floor, my laptop on a small table in front of me and I 'work' in the living rom. Normally, after lunch I let the Elder One watch some TV, or usually a movie that I pre-approve for him. But my very, very, VERY, I-can't-emphasise-enough-how-very chatty son, is not one for sitting still and keeping quiet. He keeps up a constant dialogue with me and more often than not, it's about the movie he's watching. I do try and answer him, but I confess, a lot of the time it's just grunts, mm-hmm's and monosyllables. But sometimes, when he needs more from me, he scoots on over, bends forward from the waist down, gets to my eye level, gazes at me with those gorgeous, brown eyes of his, smile/concern/appropraite-movie-matching emotion written all over his angel-like face, and asks me what he so urgently needs to have answered. Often, he just wants to share a discovery or a realisation that has hit him. But many, many times, he just wants to laugh with me. Whatever the need may be, the earnestness of his expressions, the posture of his little body, the ever-present twinkle in his eyes; always socks me hard in the chest. Imagine if you will, an almost three-foot little being, bending down to have a clear view of his Mamma's face, eyes shining with innocence, emotion and sincerity.
And yet, I remember, when not too long ago, this same little boy didn't need to bend to catch my attention. Another memory comes rushing back to me, of this darling boy, who had just perfected the skill of walking. I was sitting in the same position, and he was sitting next to me, playing with his toys. I didn't even realise when he had gotten up, but suddenly, I felt movement. I looked up to see my precious baby, walking by, face firmly fixed on mine, to see if I was watching. I can not even begin to describe the expression on his face that day! It was a mixture or unadulterated joy and triumph. I don't remember what I saw after that, my vision was terribly blurry. But I do remember my heart-pounding at the incredible smile that had been meant for me!
And now, history repeats itself in the form of my Younger One. When he walks or runs by in front of me. Eyes alight with life and sheer glee . I adore the way he runs, with no apparent sense of co-ordiation, legs and hands strewn about in a sense of happy freedom.
And now, I digress...
My precious babies. I wish for both of you so many many things. May you be able to run around under the sun, kicking a football,chasing birds and butterflies. As you grow older and are confronted with the realities of the world, I hope you never run away from problems and learn to confront them instead. I hope you always cherish the exhilerating sense of freedom that you were born with and that allows you to run, jump, laugh, scream, howl and so much more, as you wish. There are so many unfortunate people in this world for whom 'freedom' is a fancy word. Never question it, my sons. May you always ask questions to learn, know and grow. What boring minds you will develop, my dears, if you are not filled with passion and curiosity. May your eyes always shine with the delight that I see in them now. But may they also radiate intelligence and compassion so that people know that you are boys/men of incredible sensitivity and understanding.
My wish-list for you is never-ending. Just like my love.
I was looking back
2 hours ago