I just couldn't stand the multiplying strands of white on my head anymore. They had made their appearance quietly enough a few years ago, adding to their numbers slowly and surreptitiously; never meriting more than a second glance or a half-sigh.
They were just waiting.
Last year, Hell's own gift to me, saw me go grey faster than you could say "Boo! Surprise!" Overnight, they attacked and I realised I was on the losing side. But I stubbornly held on, refusing to let them and the Higher Power they answered to, called Vanity, win.
The remarks I received over the past 18 months at my apparently apathetic behaviour towards my appearance ranged from shock to disgust to shattering. What nobody realised was that I was still grieving and while I hated the sad, fat and greying person who stared back at me from the mirror -- sometimes dispassionately, sometimes disconsolately and very often disgustedly -- I was also adamant about not giving in. Not giving in to popular culture's perceptions about beauty; not giving in to what the magazines say; not giving in to my friends's rebukes; not giving in to peer pressure.
I've always known that I'd have to hit the bottle (errr, the bottle of dye) sooner or later and I just wanted it to be later.
But yesterday, I just couldn't take it anymore and so I succumbed.
But it wasn't the bottle I turned to for comfort. It was mehendi.
Sigh...so strike one up for Vanity.
12 comments:
I am still holding out...lets see zor kitna bazoo-e-qatil me hai
Good luck, mere dost. Sochaa tha ki 40 thak I'll be able to hold off. Am miserably wrong...
If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad... :)
I'm still holding out. As of now, no plans to colours... ever. But the endless comments and advice from family, friends and hairdressers is painful
Tsk..no battle this, my friend. It doesnt matter. You were beautiful, you are beautiful and you will always be that way.
Dont beat yourself up over this, ok?
xo
Nitya
But its okie na M4...good you went in for mehendi..supposed to be good for the hair as well...avoid hair colours but mehendi is cool..if anyone comments say, red is the in colour now and forever :) hugs hugs
I succumbed years back.......it doesn't hurt & if it makes u feel beautiful, go for it
It's OK. Mehendi is good for your hair. If you want colour with it, I'd recommend crushing jaba phuler pata into it.
@ Ro: You're a better man than I, Gungadin.
Along with fat, grey and old, I can also add weak to my list -- but I guess that was also already implied since I can't say no to food.
Sigh...I hate me :'-(
@ Nitya: No, babe am not. That tag was never mine and never will be...
@ R's Mom: Let's see how good it is for the hair. That was one of the reasons I chose mehendi over dye.
@ Monika: You are so very beautiful, woman.
@ Sue: Ooooh! I must remember that from now on! Thanks for the tip...
Hey MM - what is this - I didn't even think about it when I started using henna for my hair...now I feel bad that I didn't feel about it! :) One step worse than being vain and coloring my hair, not even feeling bad about it! :) I am sure you are as beautiful as your mother! I know though I have not met you! This Bengali beauty with the pretty face, lovely bangles etc!
I want to see a picture, NOW
My dear girl, you are beautiful. period.
Grey or coloured or henna-ed, do not think of yourself as not beautiful, ever.
You are. Seriously.
Hey its ok to give in if you feel even momentarily that it is right. If you are still not enjoying it after giving in then maybe its not right.
I love your blog
Thanks
Mansi
www.kidsstoppress.com
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