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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

One Year

One year. Today.

One year, today, since you've been gone.

So much has happened in this past one year, Baba, do you know?

Both your grandsons made their pada stage debut during Durga Puja. The children put up Kobiguru's 'Birpusrush'. We incorporated the poem into a script, added some Rabindrosangeet and voila -- a 40 minute skit was staged with your eldest grandson in the titular role and he rocked! The younger brat was in a dance, if you please, "Megher Kole Rod Heshechhey" and he was adorable, especially the bit where he pretended to play the flute as 'raakhaal chheley' -- "jusht rike Krishnaa!" No, he still can't say 'l' so it's herro (hello), raabdu (ladoo a la Chhota Bheem) and I raaabh you! (I loooove you!)

The EO has started guitar lessons and I know how thrilled you would have been, music being your biggest passion.

You know I got a by-line for M&B magazine; unfortunately you couldn't read my first article. Haven't written for them in a while now; my heart's just not in it.

And of course, I got the amazing contract to compile and edit two CS books for the Indian Soul series. I've finished the first one. I just can't believe that there's finally going to be a book with my name on the cover and you won't be here to see it.

Oh, and I got selected for a bit part in a Hindi movie, but they wanted to shoot in Jamshedpur on the 1st of January, so unfortunately had to turn them down.

And I finally, FINALLY got round to those dance lessons. Three months and counting and I'm loving it.

Of course you know all this Baba, because I kinda have a feeling that you engineered a lot of this stuff from where you are right now, you know, close proximity to The Pantheon and so on.

I've learnt some stuff about me too, this past one year.

Have suddenly realised that most of my memories with people are either food-related or music-related. And so, I've been cooking a lot more, experimenting in the kitchen a lot and hating the fact that you aren't around to try everything. Maa's no fun ever since she gave up meat. Thank goodness for fish!

I've begun to feel and experience song lyrics much more keenly now. I can't tell you the number of musical concerts I've bawled my eyes out at. I guess I've become more acute to pain, 'dard' and 'bekhudipan'...help! I've also come to the conclusion that Kobiguru was and continues to be THE BEST!! Nobody, absolutely nobody can touch him.

I've learnt that where you're concerned, my source of tears is bottomless.

And the single, most heartbreaking thing of all, is that I've learnt that I can live without you after all.

11 comments:

Manasa Vishal Aroor said...

This is one amazing post..! You have written my heart out.. I lost my dad last year too.. just 4 days before you did..! I can feel every word here.. Its crazy.. The last sentence is killing.. My sis and I talk about it almost everyday and feel we are so evil..! Life moves on.. but how? So fast.. So easily..

R's Mom said...

Amazing post M4...am sure your dad up there is looking down and feeling really really really proud of his daughter! hugs

Swaram said...

U r such an inspiring personality! U do so many things and all of them so well. Am sure Uncle lives through all those joys and achievements.
U must call me for lunch sometime ;) Am drooling here!
Hugs :)

Rohini said...

He lives on in your thoughts and deeds. *Hugs*

Dibakar Sarkar said...

Thanks for the sharing.
........

Please come to my blog and cast your vote under "Books" to the left of my blog's name, http://dibakar-sarkar.blogspot.com.

Please...

Iya said...

What do I say? Can feel for your loss. You have written so amazingly well. Hugs.

I am coming here after a long time. Had lost the URL somewhere while changing laptops. Blogrolling you right away.

Indian Home Maker said...

"I guess I've become more acute to pain, 'dard' and 'bekhudipan'... " I can relate to that M4.

But you are not really living without your dad, you know he is always there, watching you, blessing you... after all he 'engineered a lot of this stuff' didn't he? Love, IHM

noon said...

Hi Mmia

It's been so long. Nice to read your post here. Very nice and loving post. It is really strange that feeling that we all continue to live on and go about our every day lives - as we should and must - after some loved ones have passed away also. It seems so impossible in concept but we do...
Congratulations on all the other nice things that you have accomplished! Movie role!!! Wow - how did that happen? Do you do some roles every now and then?
Awesome that the kids also acted in a play...I so wish I could come and see them on stage. I used to go to Pujo every year when I was a grad student tagging along with my Bengali friends.

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Odissi-Nartaki-to-be said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Thank yo everyone, for your love, kind words and caring thoughts. It's been a while since I've come here to update and have missed out on touching base with some of my favourite blogs as well. I have so many posts ready and waiting in my head, but my heart's still not in it.

I know I'll get around to it. For my own sake, I hope it's soon.

Take care, all, and thanks once again for the love.