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Mother, writer and daydreamer. Also chocoholic and chick-flick lover. But mainly mommy. To two boys, at that! When not escorting my Elder One (EO) to karate class, I'm trying to get in as many cuddles as possible from my Younger One (YO). And when not doing either, I'm hard-at-work trying to maintain a steady relationship with my laptop. And as for the Man I Married (MIM), well, let’s just put it this way – even though we share a bedroom, our most meaningful conversations are held over the cell-phone!

Friday, November 12, 2010

This Beautiful Love

Darling EO and YO,

Today I really lost it with the both of you. And over school-work.

EO, your grades were appalling and even though I have said to myself over and over again that I would never let grades, marks and percentages be benchmarks in how I judged you, I was crazy let-down by the test marks you came home with. What really got me furious was that you knew EVERYTHING...you made careless spelling mistakes and couldn't finish.

YO, you just, you just...gosh, I don't even know where to begin!

After a lot of screaming and crying (oh yes, I cried too, big bucketfuls of tears I wept!) I went out of your room to calm down and to get us some chocolate --yes, yes, me too.

As I left the room, I banged the door shut but something made me stop and look through the crack. EO, you were sitting at the table doing your homework, YO, you were sitting on the carpet clutching your classwork in your hands. What I saw next, made my knees give way...

EO, you turned around on your swivel chair, YO you looked up at your big brother; next, you held out your hands to each other, clasped them tightly for a few seconds in silent solidarity...and then quickly looked away for fear that the harridan would storm into your lives yet again and wreck havoc with her insane fury.

Your wordless comfort to each other shattered my heart into a million little pieces. Yes, it shamed me into feeling like something worthy of being flushed down the toilet, but it also comforted me in a strange way.

That one little gesture just reaffirmed, all over again, that the YO was the best possible thing that I could do for you, EO. I gave you to each other and even though you are as different as Jupiter is from Neptune, you are both bonded to each other forever. By blood, of course, but as you grow older, also by shared experiences and moments. I want you both to love each other because you just do and not because you have to, and often, because you are so different from each other, I worry about your own love growing.

But there are moments like these to reassure me that maybe I worry needlessly.

Like last week at your friend's birthday party in McDonald's, EO. You boys were playing a rather fast and furious game of musical chairs, with the YO being somewhere towards the bottom of the age chain. The first time the music stopped, EO, you managed to sit down and with one hand you 'saved' a seat for your cousin and with your other, you grabbed the YO, pulled him to you and made him sit along with you on your chair. Ok, technically I knew that wasn't allowed, but I just had to let it pass, because I though it was the sweetest thing. The music began and the next round started...this time, you managed to save the YO but not your cousin. By round four, just as you managed to pull the YO onto your lap, a much bigger, taller and very obviously stronger classmate of yours called you out on what you were doing. You tried to shout him down, but when he tried to drag your brother off the chair, you lost it! You put an arm around the YO's shoulders and wagged your finger vigourously under your friend's nose, screaming, "Don't you dare touch him! Don't you dare touch my younger brother!" You, YO, had your arms around your brother's waist and had snuggled your head into his chest all the while. EO, you were amazing.

My darling boy, you could have easily been beaten into EO-jam by this much bigger boy, but that thought didn't enter your mind at all as you donned your mantle of a big brother looking out for his younger sibling.

Of course, in the interest of fairness, I did have to pull you, YO, out of the game and you were both upset with me about it.

Sigh...

I guess if nothing else, you'll both bond over the how-Mamma-was-so-horrible-to-us-and-that's-why-we're-so-screwed-up stories when you're in your teens.

Just remember, even when you're both hating me, I gave you each other.

And also, that I love you both more than you can even begin to imagine.

Forever and always yours,
Mamma

11 comments:

Rohini said...

Awwwww.... I worry whether mine will be close because of the different gender and wide age gap but only time will tell.

R's Mom said...

Awww! Kala Tikka to the relationship..its great to have siblings of the same gender na :):)
@Rohini: am sure they will be close..me and my bro are pretty close and I being the younger one would protect my elder quiter shyer bro so rest assured Tarana will ensure Aryan is well protected ;)

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

@ Ro: Darling, you worry needlessly. There's almost a five-year gap between my brother and me and the only time it mattered was when I was an angsty teenager; but then, I hated the whole world in general, so there. By the time I was in my mid-teens, I was my brother's biggest cheerleader once more, and he my biggest fan. And that's still the way it pretty much runs...

@ R's Mom: Well said. And yes, sometimes there is a huge plus in having kids of the same gender.

Swaram said...

Awww thatz soo soo sweet. I hv read it twice already :)
Sigh! The way me and sis used to bond to rebel against Mamma :)
U r so rt that the she hs been the best gift they hv ever given me :)

noon said...

That's awesome - that gesture in the room. Just so sweet. Even when KB is coughing miserably from Bronchitis and we go to the doc he will remember to get a sticker for KG. Small gestures that fill your - the mom's - heart with so much joy. And hope that they will both be there for each other always. That makes all the hardships of raising two kids so worth it.

Raam Pyari said...

awww..thats the sweetest post ever!

Sparkling said...

:)
It is indeed! Beautiful, I mean :)
Got me out of my sombre mood; merci, cherie :)

TC

chandni said...

I adore this post! haven spent time recently with my nephews and the recurring thought was just this - they have each other :)

endowedwithmetis said...

Hot chocolate on a rainy night is when this memory will come back like wisps of wind and bring back smiles n gratitude n never dark clouds .. never ever.
Hugs

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

@ Swaram: I'm so glad you connected with this :-)

@ Noon: That's exactly it, these small gestures that show they care for each other -- it's such a lovely feeling. How have you been, dear?

@ Raam Pyari: Thank you!

@ Sparkling: Comment ca va maintenant, cherie?

@ Chandni: It's a comforting thought, naa? And your little guy is at the adorable, squeezable age! Yumm!

@ EWM: Babes, you are a rainbow in my life, you know that, right?

starry eyed said...

Very sweet post! Not sure if its my first time here...but HIII!! :)